Ask Dr. Mona

First of all, it sounds like you’re raising a kind, emotionally aware little human. He loves school, cares about others, and knows when to ask for help. Those are already strong social skills. Wanting him to find his voice a bit more is just the next layer, and that confidence builds with time and practice.

At three, kids are still figuring out how to take what they’ve learned in calm moments and apply it when things feel noisy or unpredictable. So when he walks away or goes to get a teacher, that’s actually problem-solving. It means he feels safe and knows there are peaceful ways to handle conflict. Those instincts are the base for healthy assertiveness later on.

Here are a few ways to keep building that skill:

• Practice through play, not pressure: Use stuffed animals or simple role play to act out tricky social moments. Keep it light and funny as you model phrases like “Stop, please,” “I’m still using that,” or “You can have a turn when I’m done.” When it feels like a game, he’s more likely to remember those words in the moment.

• Narrate confidence: Kids learn a lot from how we talk in everyday moments. When your child asks for something, model calm, clear boundaries: “I’m washing my hands, and then I can get your water,” or “I’m going to finish the laundry, then I’ll read that book with you.” Hearing you communicate needs respectfully shows him that being firm and kind can go hand in hand.

• Celebrate effort: Even if he whispers “stop” or just looks at a peer instead of saying the words, notice it. “I saw you tried to tell them it was your turn. That’s great!” That small acknowledgment builds confidence and helps him believe his voice matters.

And one last note, not every child is wired to be outspoken, and that’s okay. Some kids are naturally more easy-going or cautious. Some lead with empathy and quiet confidence. Assertiveness doesn’t always mean being louder. It’s about helping him feel secure enough to speak up in a way that feels true to him. He’s already on his way.

Pooping on the toilet often takes longer than peeing. This is very common. You’ve already helped him build great awareness by learning to go potty on the toilet. So, this next step is more about comfort, confidence, and trust in his body.

At this age, many kids feel uneasy about pooping in the toilet. The sensation of “letting go” can feel weird or even scary, and some kids prefer the privacy (and squishy safety) of a pull-up. Others wait until nap or bedtime simply because that’s when they feel calmest and most relaxed.

Here’s what helps the most:

1. Take the pressure way down. If rewards or reminders aren’t working anymore, that’s your cue to pause. Step back. The goal is to help him feel safe and in control, not like it’s a test he has to pass.

2. Stay calm about accidents. If he poops in his underwear, keep your tone steady: “Oh, looks like we pooped in our undies. Where does poop go? In the toilet! Let’s clean these together.” Take him with you while you clean up (he doesn’t need to touch anything). But seeing the process helps connect actions to outcomes without shame or frustration.

3. Keep boundaries consistent. If he gets upset about cleaning up or wants to play instead, try: “I know you want to play, but when we poop in our pants, we need to clean up first. When poop goes in the toilet, we get more playtime.” Simple, calm repetition helps those cause-and-effect links click over time.

4. Build routine and comfort. Encourage sitting on the toilet after meals (that’s when the body’s natural “poop reflex” kicks in). Read a quick story, play a song, or let him blow bubbles. It helps his body relax and keeps the moment positive.

Toilet learning happens in layers: peeing first, then pooping once both the body and emotions are ready. You’ve already built a great foundation. With calm consistency, patience, zero pressure, he’ll get there when his body feels ready.

If you’re thinking about starting potty training soon, or recently began and want a simple, low-stress approach, check out the PedsDocTalk No-Pressure Potty Training Course. It walks you through realistic steps, language, and strategies that actually work for toddlers.

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Dr. Mona will answer these questions in a future Sunday Morning Q&A email. Chances are if you have a parenting concern or question, another parent can relate. So let's figure this out together!