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This sounds very developmentally on track for 11 months, and you’re already doing something important by noticing the why behind the behavior. At this age, throwing is rarely about being “bad” or pushing limits. It’s often communication plus curiosity. She doesn’t yet have words for “I’m done,” so her body does the talking. The fact that she looks down and searches for the cup afterward tells us she’s exploring cause and effect and where things go, not trying to get a reaction from you.

A helpful place to start is narrating and modeling what you want her to do in the moment. As she finishes drinking, you might say, “All done with water. Cup goes on the tray,” and gently help guide her hand to place it there before it flies. That repetition really does add up over time.

You can also watch closely for her “I’m done” cues and step in early, with your hand nearby, to help guide the cup down instead of off the tray. Think of it as catching the launch before takeoff.

If the cup does get thrown down, keeping your response calm and predictable helps a lot. A simple, “Looks like you’re all done with water,” and not immediately giving it back teaches her that throwing ends the activity, while placing it down keeps it available. Pairing the words “all done” with a sign or gesture can also give her another way to communicate what she is already trying to say.

And just to say this out loud, you are very much not alone. Food (and cup) throwing comes up constantly at this age. There’s a PedsDocTalk Instagram reel that goes deeper into why it happens and what actually helps, and it took off because so many parents see themselves in it. If you want more context or ideas to try, it’s a helpful one to watch.

This is a learning phase, and it likely won’t click overnight. With consistency and time, she’ll move from throwing to placing, and you’re already supporting those skills just by paying attention and responding thoughtfully.

This can feel really hard, especially when you’re trying to keep things light and fun and it keeps turning emotional. Around 5, children start to care deeply about doing well and getting things right, but they do not yet have the skills to manage disappointment in the moment. So those feelings spill out fast, and sometimes even before the outcome is clear. So those feelings can spill out fast, and sometimes even before the game is over.

In the moment, the biggest shift is to pause the explaining and focus on regulation first. When she runs off, something simple like, “That feels really hard. I’m here,” goes much further than reminders about winning or fairness. She is not ready to hear those messages yet. If she wants you nearby, sitting with her quietly or using very few words is often enough. Your calm presence helps her body settle.

Later, and this part really matters, bring it up at a neutral time. Not at bedtime and not right after the game. When you do talk about it, try starting with yourself. You might say something like, “When I was a kid, I didn’t like losing either. I remember wanting to quit sometimes. Even grown-ups don’t love losing. But I do like playing and being together.” You might even recall a memory when you lost and felt upset. That kind of honesty helps her feel less alone and lowers the pressure.

From there, you can see if she’s open to more conversation. “I’ve noticed games feel really big for you sometimes. What part feels the hardest?” If she doesn’t want to answer, that’s okay. Listening can come later. Keep the message simple and steady. “It’s okay to feel sad or mad when you lose. We are practicing staying in the game even when it feels tough.”

Before playing again, it can also help to set expectations ahead of time. Something like, “We’re going to play to have fun. If the feelings get really big, you can take a short break, but the game keeps going.”

This isn’t something you fix in one conversation. She’s learning a skill, and that takes time. Every family game is another chance to practice. By staying calm, sharing your own experience, and talking about it outside the big emotions, you’re helping her build resilience, even if it doesn’t look like it yet.

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