Ask Dr. Mona

It might catch you off guard when your 4-year-old starts talking back. But this is often the age when kids start testing limits with their words. Four-year-olds are flexing their independence, experimenting with language, and figuring out how much control they have in a conversation. What feels like “sass” is usually more about practicing big feelings than showing disrespect.

The key is to stay calm and consistent. If your child snaps, you can acknowledge the feeling while still holding the boundary: “I hear you’re upset, but I need you to use kind words.” That way, you’re validating their emotion without letting the behavior slide.

Children don’t automatically know the words they need to express big feelings. You can help by giving them those scripts: “You can say, ‘I don’t like that,’ instead of yelling.” Over time, these little reminders shape how they express themselves.

It helps to model respectful communication yourself, especially when you’re frustrated. If they see you handle frustration without snapping, they’re more likely to copy it. Kids notice how we talk when we’re stressed more than how we talk when we’re calm.

And don’t forget to point out the positives. When your child handles frustration respectfully, call it out: “I love how you told me you were mad without yelling.” That kind of positive reinforcement makes the behavior more likely to stick.

The goal isn’t to eliminate talking back, but rather to guide it. With calm limits, clear alternatives, and encouragement when they get it right, you’re helping your child practice skills that will serve them well as they grow.

You’re not alone, it really can feel like kids live in your kitchen. One meal ends, and five minutes later, they’re asking, “What’s for a snack?” Growing bodies and busy brains burn through energy quickly, so snacks actually do have an important job.

Think of snacks as “mini meals” rather than just fillers. A little fiber and protein together go a long way in keeping them satisfied, so you’re not refilling the snack cup every hour.

Some easy snack combinations to try:

• Apple slices and yogurt

• Crackers with hummus or cheese

• Banana with peanut butter

• Cottage cheese with fruit

And when it comes to bedtime snacks, kids can be expert negotiators. Keeping the options simple (and yes, a little boring) helps avoid battles. Predictable choices mean they’re less likely to skip dinner and hold out for something better later.

If you’re stuck in a snack rut, the PedsDocTalk Toddler Snack Guide is full of realistic and simple ideas, including bedtime snack tips to make evenings smoother.

Ask Dr. Mona

Ask Dr. Mona all your parenting questions!

Dr. Mona will answer these questions in a future Sunday Morning Q&A email. Chances are if you have a parenting concern or question, another parent can relate. So let's figure this out together!