Ask Dr. Mona

Toddlers around two often develop very strong preferences. One common way that shows up is through directing the people around them: “Sit here,” “Don’t sit there,” “Do this instead.” It’s a sign that their sense of autonomy is growing. They’re learning that their words have power, and they try that out most with the people they feel closest to.

The question becomes: when do you follow their lead, and when do you hold the line?

It can help to notice the reason behind the request. Sometimes it’s about connection, like he wants you nearby or wants to share something with you. In those moments, going along can feel warm and playful for both of you.

Other times, it shifts into directing your every move. That’s when a calm boundary is helpful. You might say, “I hear you, but I’m still putting the dishes away.” He may get upset, and that’s okay. You’re showing him that your choices matter too.

You can also give him a few predictable chances for him to lead: choosing between two snack cups, picking which book you read, or deciding where his stuffed animals sit. Having those small moments of control makes it easier for him to handle the times you set the limit.

If he keeps repeating the request, you can try consistently acknowledging: “You have an idea for me. I’m staying here.” The steady tone paired with a consistent boundary helps him learn the difference between expressing a preference and being in charge of others.

Kids this age test boundaries often because they’re figuring out how autonomy works. Your calm, consistent responses teach him that his voice matters and that parents have limits too.

For more on toddler behavior, check out the PedsDocTalk Toddlers and Tantrums Course for practical strategies to manage tantrums, misbehavior, and big emotions.

It’s completely okay that the first attempt didn’t work out. Travel and new sleep spaces can make any change harder. Now that you’re ready to try again, you can choose an approach that fits your daughter’s temperament, and stay consistent once you start.

At two, kids understand simple explanations, but they’re also very attached to the routines that help them settle. That’s why the method matters less than the follow-through.

Choose the approach you feel good about and commit to it. Cold turkey is often the clearest at this age. A simple, confident “The pacifier is all done after tonight” sets the expectation, and many toddlers adapt faster than we expect. If she’s comforted by a lovey, you can start offering that as her new sleep cue.

If you prefer a more symbolic or playful goodbye, some families plant the pacifier in the garden and wake up to flowers, use a “pacifier fairy,” or have a bye-bye party. Others take a gradual route and reduce access over time. The best choice is the one that fits her personality and your comfort level.

Expect some protest. She’ll likely ask for it, especially at bedtime. You can respond calmly and clearly: “You want your pacifier. I know. It’s all done. You can fall asleep with your lovey.”

Try to keep everything else familiar. Same bedtime, steps, order, and tone. A steady routine sends the message that one thing is changing, but everything else is still safe and predictable.

The first couple of nights are usually the hardest. Most children show noticeable improvement by night three or four. Bringing the pacifier back during a tough moment often restarts the process, so holding the boundary, even with some tears, helps the transition move along more smoothly.

You haven’t missed your window because the first try didn’t stick. Toddlers handle transitions best when the boundary is clear and the support is warm. Once she sees that this change is here to stay and you’re right there with her, she’ll settle into the new routine.

If you want more age-specific guidance and other ways to approach paci weaning, this PedsDocTalk blog walks you through what to try and when.

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