Ask Dr. Mona

It feels hard because it is hard. When you have a 2 and 3 year old in the thick of tantrums, it can feel like you’re doing all the right things and still ending the day wondering if any of it is making a difference.

Here’s the important reminder: it often does not look like it’s working in the moment.

Tantrums are not the time when kids show you what they’ve learned. Tantrums are the time when they borrow your regulation because they do not yet have enough of their own. Emotional regulation takes developmental time, repetition, and lots of practice with a calm adult nearby.

One simple way to think about tantrums is the S.E.R.E.N.E. method, which can help you focus on what matters most in the moment.

• Steady yourself first. Tantrums can activate your own stress response fast. Before you jump in, take a breath and remind yourself, “This is hard, but my child is having a hard time, not giving me a hard time.” Your calm helps set the tone.

• Ensure safety. If they are hitting, kicking, throwing, or flailing, the priority is keeping everyone safe. You can be clear and calm: “I won’t let you hit,” or “I’m moving this so everyone stays safe.” Safety comes before explanation.

• Recognize the emotion. A simple acknowledgment goes a long way. “You’re so upset.” “You’re frustrated.” “You really wanted that.” They do not need a long conversation in the middle of a meltdown. They just need to feel understood.

• Engage less. This is a big one. Many parents think more talking will help, but during the peak of a tantrum, too many words can make it harder. Short, calm phrases are usually more effective than long explanations.

• Nurture comfort if they want it. Some children want a hug or closeness. Others want space with you nearby. You can offer, “I’m here if you want a hug,” or “I’ll stay close while you calm down.” Follow their cues.

• Ease the transition once they’re settling. When the storm starts to pass, that’s when you can gently help them move on. A drink of water, stepping outside, reading a book, or just sitting together can help without turning the tantrum into a big reward.

This takes practice for you and your children. You are doing the hard work now that helps teach them what to do with frustration, disappointment, and overwhelm later. That learning happens in many small, supported moments, not all at once.

For a deeper breakdown of the S.E.R.E.N.E. method, this PedsDocTalk YouTube video walks through it step by step. And for more support, the Toddlers & Tantrums course is a practical parenting playbook filled with tips to help you manage tantrums, meltdowns, and behavior with more confidence.

It’s great that you’re noticing now, because catching small changes early can help prevent a bigger issue later. A little more pushing does not always mean constipation, since some children naturally strain a bit, but it is worth watching for any change from your child’s usual pattern, especially if stools start becoming harder, less frequent, or uncomfortable to pass.

A few things can help support healthy bowel habits without relying on supplements:

• Know your child’s baseline. Some children poop more than once a day, while others go every couple of days. What matters most is what is normal for your child and whether that pattern is changing.

• Focus on fiber and hydration. Offering fruits, vegetables, whole grains, and enough water throughout the day can help keep stool softer and easier to pass.

• Keep them moving. Physical activity can help support bowel motility, so regular movement and play really do matter.

• Watch for holding behaviors or triggers. Sometimes stress, rushed routines, or not wanting to use a certain bathroom can contribute to stool withholding, which can make constipation more likely.

• Create relaxed bathroom habits. If your child is potty trained, having them sit on the toilet at regular times, especially after meals, can help build a routine without pressure.

It also helps to keep the tone around pooping calm and matter-of-fact. If a child starts to worry that pooping might hurt, that worry can lead to holding, which can make constipation more likely. A calm, relaxed approach and helping them feel safe and comfortable can go a long way.

For more on constipation basics, including prevention, symptoms, and when to seek help, this PedsDocTalk YouTube video is a helpful next step. If constipation becomes more of an issue, this video also walks through diet changes, natural remedies, medications, and when further testing may be needed.

Ask Dr. Mona

Ask Dr. Mona all your parenting questions!

Dr. Mona will answer these questions in a future Sunday Morning Q&A email. Chances are if you have a parenting concern or question, another parent can relate. So let's figure this out together!