Ask Dr. Mona

This is such a relatable stage! Diaper changes can feel like a full-body workout once toddlers start asserting independence. Around 18 months, many kids become more aware of their bodies and boundaries, and resisting diaper changes is often more about control and play than defiance.

First– you’re doing the right thing by trying to stay calm. That laughing you’re seeing is often their way of handling tension or testing boundaries. You bring the calm, and that matters.

One tip is to lean into connection and play. Try singing a silly diaper song or having a conversation while you change him to keep things light. For example, “What does a cow say? Moo mooo!” or “Where is your nose? Where are your eyes?” The more animated you are, the more likely he’ll be drawn in. Toddlers love repetition and goofy energy, so don’t be afraid to go big with the animal sounds or be creative with your own diaper-change song.

If he starts to resist or kick, you can calmly say, “I won’t let you kick,” and then shift to a yes: “You can hold the clean diaper” or “Want to help me get a wipe ready?” Giving him a simple job makes him feel involved and keeps those little hands busy.

If he runs off, keep your tone neutral but firm: “It’s time to get cleaned up. You can walk or I can carry you.” That way, you’re not turning it into a chase (which can feel like a game to toddlers but gets old fast for us).

Some parents find standing diaper changes in the bathroom can help, especially with poop diapers–it gives toddlers more autonomy and feels less restrictive. But if that’s not doable every time, that’s okay. The key is consistency, connection, and making it feel like something you’re doing together, not to him.

This phase doesn’t last forever. Once the novelty wears off, you’ll be back to quick changes and moving on with your day!

While we tend to associate meltdowns with toddlers, emotional regulation is still developing well into the early school years. At this age, kids might have more language or coping skills, but that doesn’t mean they always use them–espeically when they’re tired, overstimulated, or overwhelmed.

It can be especially tough as a parent when your child has already shown they can do better. You start to think, “But you know this!” They might be bigger, but they still have feelings. They may know better, but that doesn't mean they always do better–not because they don't want to, but because they're still learning how.

In these moments, your calm presence helps them find their way back to regulation. You can try saying something like, “You’re having a hard time right now. I’m here when you’re ready.” Offer space if they need it, but stay nearby. Continue helping them name their feelings to connect emotions with language and show that you’re there to support, not shame. When you stay calm, you’re showing them what it looks like to feel big emotions and still be safe and loved. That’s how emotional regulation builds over time.

Later, during a calm moment or even at the end of the day, you can gently reflect back on what happened: “Earlier, it seemed like you were really upset…” Sometimes, the meltdown isn’t just about the immediate trigger–it could be built-up frustration, feeling tired, or something deeper. You could ask, “What do you need?” or “Was something else bothering you today?” These quiet moments of reflection help your child feel seen and understood–and they help you better understand what might be going on beneath the surface.

I shared more on this in a recent Instagram post about how even our “big kids” still need us to be their steady. Because, just like us, they’re still learning–and when they feel supported, they’ll get there!

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Dr. Mona will answer these questions in a future Sunday Morning Q&A email. Chances are if you have a parenting concern or question, another parent can relate. So let's figure this out together!