Ask Dr. Mona

Fears of the dark are common at this age as children’s imaginations develop. The darkness can feel daunting because it limits their sense of sight and can make familiar surroundings seem unfamiliar and potentially scary. This fear is a common part of development and typically diminishes as children learn to separate imagined fears from reality.

Fear is a natural emotion, just like anger, sadness, or happiness, and it’s important to validate it rather than dismiss it. Continue to validate his feelings, “I understand the dark can feel scary sometimes. It’s okay to feel that way.” This helps them feel supported and understood.

Use this opportunity to ask questions like, “What makes the dark scary?” to understand their specific fears. Often, fear of the dark is tied to the unknown. Explore the dark together and show how familiar objects look different but stay the same. For example, “See how your toys look different with the lights off? They’re still the same toys, just in the dark.”

Pairing gradual exposure with a nightlight can help him build independence. Start by staying close to his bed with reassuring words like, “I’m here. You’re safe.” Use a dim nightlight to reduce the contrast between light and dark. Then, progressively increase the distance between you and their bed over time– first sitting farther away, then moving to sit outside the room with the door open. Alternatively, you can use a timer to establish expectations. Begin by setting the timer for a longer duration and staying with them as they settle into bed. Gradually reduce the time by a few minutes, so they become accustomed to falling asleep with less of your presence. This clear and consistent routine helps them feel secure while gradually building their confidence. Don’t forget to celebrate every small step– it reinforces his bravery!

It’s great that you’re thinking about reducing screen use during meals to create more intentional family time. Screens are often used to keep children engaged or encourage eating, but consistent use can lead to dependency and take away from mindful eating– where children learn to listen to hunger and fullness cues. While it may feel challenging to break this habit, small, consistent changes can make a big difference.

Prepare your children by setting clear expectations in a positive way, such as, “We’re going to try something new– no screens during meals today so we can spend time together!” This excitement can help ease resistance, especially for your 5-year-old. Make sure all caregivers are consistent with the rule to avoid confusion.

Decide whether to transition gradually or go “cold turkey.” A gradual approach could start with one screen-free meal per day, adding more over time. Timers can help: “We’ll watch for five minutes, then turn it off for the rest of the meal.” Visual timers are particularly effective for children around 3 years. Expect pushback, and stay consistent: “I know you miss the screen, but we’re eating without it now. I know you can do this.”

Introduce fun alternatives to make mealtimes engaging, like a “question of the day” or sharing something that made each person happy. These activities shift the focus and make meals feel special.

Transitions take time and consistency, but you’re working to create space for connection and mindful eating, which will benefit your family in the long run.

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