Ask Dr. Mona

Watching your child melt down in a setting you imagined would be joyful is tough. But at three years old, tears at a first ballet class don’t usually mean “not ready,”  they mean “this is a big, unfamiliar transition.”

Separating from you, walking into a group, following new rules… it’s a lot.

Here’s what helps:

• Keep exposure gentle but consistent. She might just sit on your lap or hold your hand the first few weeks, and that’s okay.

• Simple reassurance like, “I know this feels new. I’ll be right here while you try,” gives comfort while still nudging her forward.

• Remember, tears are communication, but not always danger. They usually mean uncertainty. Consistency plus calm reassurance is what teaches safety.

Every child’s temperament is different. Some jump right in. Others, like my own son at soccer, take weeks of “sit and watch” before they feel ready to join. But staying, even through tears, shows the activity is safe and worth figuring out.

A helpful frame: Think about activities in two buckets.

• Essentials: things like school, swim lessons, or medical care, where you stay the course and support through the tears.

• Optionals: things like ballet or soccer, where you can choose to keep trying or pause and return later.

Either way, the goal isn’t instant happiness. The goal is helping your child feel safe and capable in new situations, with your steady presence guiding them through.

Want to know why exposure matters more than instant smiles? This PedsDocTalk blog post shares real examples of handling tears during baths, beach trips, and first soccer classes, and explains why sticking with new experiences (even with tears) helps kids feel safe and confident over time.

Heading out on a work trip for the first time away from your 4-year-old is a big milestone for both of you. It’s normal to feel nervous, but kids at this age can understand what’s happening and usually do really well with clear, gentle prep.

You don’t need to tell her weeks in advance, since that can stretch out the worry. A few days ahead (about 3–5 “sleeps”) is just right. You might say, “In four sleeps, I’m going on a work trip. Daddy will take care of you, and I’ll be back after seven sleeps.” You can mark it on a calendar or make a simple paper chain so she has something concrete to track the days. Slip in a small note or drawing for her to open on the first day. It gives her a comforting reminder that you’re thinking of her. She can open it or look at it whenever she wants to while you’re away.

Preview the week for her: who’s doing drop-off, who will read bedtime stories, and maybe a fun tradition she can count on at home. Predictability helps kids feel secure and shows her what she can expect.

When it comes to saying goodbye, choose what feels calmest for your child. Some do better saying goodbye at home so the separation isn’t tied to the busy airport environment. Others like the closure of waving goodbye at the terminal. If she tends to get overwhelmed with big transitions, the home goodbye may feel easier. No matter where it happens, keep it short, confident, and loving: “I’ll miss you SO much, and I’ll see you in seven sleeps. Daddy will take such good care of you.”

For the caregiver staying with her, a calm script makes a big difference: “You miss Mommy. I miss her too. She loves you and will be back after ___ sleeps. I’m here with you. Want to open your note or pick our special bedtime book?” That consistency helps her process missing you while still feeling safe.

She may still have tears when you leave. And that’s okay. Those feelings show how much she loves you. And the next time you travel, it will already feel a little easier for you both.

Want more support around the emotional side, like balancing travel, guilt, and trusting your support system? Listen to this PedsDocTalk podcast episode: How do I overcome the guilt of traveling for my job as a mom?

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