Ask Dr. Mona

This one is so common… and so exhausting. When you cannot even close the bathroom door without a meltdown on the other side, it wears on you. At 18 months, separation anxiety can still be very loud and very real.

Your toddler knows you still exist somewhere when you walk away. What he does not have yet is the sense of time to think, 'She always comes back.' So even with Daddy right there, he may still want you, specifically. A few things to try:

Keep your goodbye short and predictable. Before you leave the room, use the same simple phrase each time: “I’m going to the bathroom. Daddy is here. I’ll be right back.” Then go. Try not to sneak away, but also try not to linger, because a long goodbye can make the separation feel bigger.

Practice tiny separations when he is calm. Step into another room for 10 seconds and come back. Then try 20 seconds. Then a minute. These small moments help him practice the pattern: you leave, he feels upset, and you return.

Let your husband stay involved, even if your child protests. It can be tempting to jump back in when your toddler rejects the other parent, but your husband can still offer calm support. He might say, “You want Mommy. Mommy will be back. I’m here with you.” Over time, this helps your child learn that another loving caregiver can help him through the hard moment.

Celebrate the reunion. When you come back, keep it warm and confident: “I came back! You were sad, and Daddy helped you. I always come back.” This helps him connect the dots without turning the reunion into a huge rescue mission.

Build in small pockets of connection. Even five to ten minutes of focused time with you during the day can help fill his cup. It gives him more moments of security to pull from when separation feels hard.

And when he cries, you can validate without changing the boundary:

If the anxiety is getting worse, interfering with daycare, sleep, leaving the house, or daily life in a major way, bring it up with his clinician. But for many toddlers, separation anxiety improves with consistency, practice, and time.

For more on this, check out the PedsDocTalk YouTube video on separation anxiety in children. I walk through when it tends to show up, what it can look like, more ways to manage it, and when it may be time to get extra support.

At 2.5, sharing is still a big ask. Your toddler is not thinking, 'How can I be unfair to my baby brother today?' He is thinking, 'That was mine. I want it. Why does he get it?' And that is exactly where his brain is supposed to be. Add a younger sibling who is suddenly mobile, curious, and grabbing for toys, and it makes sense that big brother feels a little protective of his stuff and your attention.

I would focus less on forcing sharing and more on helping him learn turn-taking, ownership, and what to do instead.

• Protect some toys as big brother toys. Not every toy has to be shared. Let him choose a few special toys that are only for him and keep those away when baby is around. This can lower the constant feeling of “my brother gets everything,” because he knows some things are still his.

• Use turn-taking language instead of “share.” Sharing can feel vague to a toddler, but turns are easier to understand. You can say, “Baby is using that right now. Your turn is next,” or “You are still using that. Baby can have a turn when you are done.” This also helps him see that you will protect his turn too.

• Catch the good moments out loud. If most of the day sounds like correction, look for tiny moments to name what he is doing well. “You gave him the block. That was kind.” “You waited while he had a turn. That was hard, and you did it.” These moments matter because they help him feel seen for more than what he is doing wrong.

When he does take something, keep it calm and simple: “I won’t let you take it from his hands. You can ask for a turn or choose another toy.” Then return the toy and move on. The less emotional charge around it, the easier it is for him to learn. You are not taking the baby’s side by setting a limit. Setting a limit is how he learns his brother’s turn matters and his own turn matters too.

And that thing you are worried about, that he feels like you are always choosing brother? Look for small ways to show him, “I see you too.” Protect his turn sometimes. Let some toys be just his. Notice when he waits, even for two seconds.

It may not look like it is landing in the moment, especially on the days when he takes every toy and you feel like a broken record. But those small, steady messages add up: you are not being replaced, your feelings matter, and there is room here for both of you.

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Dr. Mona will answer these questions in a future Sunday Morning Q&A email. Chances are if you have a parenting concern or question, another parent can relate. So let's figure this out together!