Breaking Cycles and Rewriting the Narrative

Parenting has a way of holding up a mirror to our past. The way we respond to mistakes, the words that slip out in moments of frustration, the deep-seated patterns we didn’t even realize were there– it all comes to the surface when raising kids.

These moments aren’t just frustrating– they reveal patterns we grew up with, the scripts we absorbed as kids, and the automatic responses we don’t even realize are engrained in us.

And how we react? That’s what shapes our children.

Recently, I shared a moment on Instagram that clearly resonated with so many of you– and I get why.

Because this work? It’s hard. But it’s also healing.

If you read the post, you know the moment that hit me hard. My child reflected back the very lessons I’ve been working so hard to teach– compassion, understanding, and the trust that mistakes don’t define us. His words weren’t just a testament to the way we’ve been raising him.

They were a reminder that breaking cycles doesn’t mean we won’t struggle with them ourselves.

Because even though I’ve spent years doing the work, even though I’ve intentionally chosen a different way to parent– that instinctive reaction still showed up.

The self-criticism. The frustration. The old voice in my head whispering, You should have been more careful.

That’s the thing about old patterns– they don’t just disappear.

Even when we’ve worked to change them for our kids, we’re still working through what those patterns did to us.

But here’s what matters: We don’t have to be fully healed to change the next generation.

Healing isn’t a straight line.

No matter how much we want to change generational patterns, they run deep. They don’t just vanish overnight.

The fact that you’re here– reflecting, noticing, and making small shifts?

That means you’re already doing it.

And that means the next generation—the one you’re raising—gets to grow up with a different foundation.

Why Parenting Holds Up a Mirror to Our Past

We don’t step into parenting as blank slates.

The way we were raised– the words spoken to us, the tone used, the way mistakes were handled– all of it gets stored somewhere deep inside us. And whether we realize it or not, those patterns show up when we’re the ones raising kids.

Maybe it’s the sharp tone that slips out before you even think.

Maybe it’s the instinct to say, “You’re fine, stop crying,” instead of pausing for comfort.

Maybe it’s the way frustration bubbles up faster than you expected, and suddenly, you sound just like your parents did.

It’s not intentional. It’s not because you aren’t trying.

It’s because our brains default to what’s familiar.

And for so many of us, that familiar script wasn’t one of patience, or softness, or emotional safety.

So, when those moments happen–when you hear your words come out of your mouth that you wish you could take back–it’s easy to feel like you’re failing.

But you’re not.

Those moments aren’t proof that you can’t change. They’re proof that you’re aware.

And awareness? That’s where change starts. And that means things will be different for your child.

How to Start Rewriting the Narrative

Breaking cycles doesn’t mean erasing the past. It doesn’t mean parenting perfectly. And it definitely doesn’t mean never losing your patience. 

It means noticing and pausing. It means choosing something different– even when it doesn’t come naturally yet.

At first, it might feel uncomfortable. But every time you make a small shift, every time you catch yourself before reacting the way you once would have- you’re rewriting the story. Here’s where to start:

Recognize what works–and what doesn’t– from your own childhood.

We all carry pieces of our childhood with us. Instead of letting those experiences run on autopilot, take a step back and look at them with fresh eyes.

Ask yourself: 

You don’t have to throw everything away. Keep what was good. Heal what wasn’t. And be intentional about what you pass down.

Be humble enough to acknowledge that you’re human

Even when we know better, old habits creep in. Even when we’ve done the work, those ingrained responses still show up.

And the biggest mistake we can make? Thinking we have to be perfect to break the cycle. 

Because here’s a relieving truth– our kids don’t need perfect parents. They need parents who are willing to grow.

So, instead of falling into self-blame, try shifting the script:

The goal isn’t to never mess up. The goal is to notice, repair, and do better next time.

And the more we practice grace with ourselves, the more we teach our children to do the same.

Be willing to change– even when it’s uncomfortable

Breaking cycles sounds empowering, but the truth? It’s uncomfortable.

It means stopping yourself mid-sentence and choosing different words. It means sitting with your child’s big feelings when your instinct is to shut them down.

And it’s hard because it’s different.

At first, it might feel unnatural– because it’s different from what you knew. But, it’s the feeling of breaking a cycle.

Let your child teach you, too

Sometimes, the compassion we try to model for our kids comes right back to us.

Like when my son reassured me after I broke my foundation bottle.

Like when your child puts their little hands on your face and says, “It’s okay. I’m here.”

Like when they remind you that mistakes are just mistakes.

These moments matter.

They remind us that healing isn’t just something we are doing for them– it’s something they are doing for us.

And that is the power of breaking cycles.

Final Thoughts: The Gift of Reparenting

Every time you pause before reacting, every time you offer compassion instead of shame, and every time you remind your child (and yourself) that mistakes don’t define them– you are breaking cycles.

And the most incredible part? Your child won’t have to do the same work you’re doing right now. They won’t have to unlearn the idea that mistakes equal shame. They won’t have to teach themselves that their emotions are valid. They won’t have to undo years of self-criticism just to feel like they’re enough.

Because you’re doing the work for them. Not perfectly, not flawlessly, but with intention. And that makes all the difference.

One day, when your child responds to a mistake with kindness instead of self-blame, or when they show themselves the patience you’ve worked so hard to model, you’ll see it.

You’ll see the proof that every small choice you made mattered.

If this resonated with you, let’s keep the conversation going. Check out this powerful PedsDocTalk podcast episode on breaking generational cycles for better parenting.

On The Podcast

How can parents create an emotionally safe space for their child when their home is no longer secure? Environmental crises like the LA fires have displaced families, leaving parents navigating uncertainty while trying to comfort their children.

Today, I’m joined by fellow pediatrician Dr. Harvey Karp, who experienced the loss of his own home, to discuss how we can support children in processing trauma and building resilience after life-altering events.

We discuss:

• How parents can support children through difficult experiences by acknowledging their emotions, using age-appropriate language, and allowing them to express their fears and grief in a safe environment.

• That acknowledging emotions and using age-appropriate language can help children express fears and grief in a safe environment

• How to help them regain a sense of control and security after traumatic events

On YouTube

Wondering why your chid has itchy, red welts? Learn what causes hives, how to treat them, and when to worry! Watch now to feel confident in managing hives. The video covers:

• What are hives?

• Common causes of hives

• Signs and symptoms of hives

• Managing hives at home

• When to be concerned about hives

• When to see a doctor about hives

• How to prevent hives

Ask Dr. Mona

An opportunity for YOU to ask Dr. Mona your parenting questions!

Dr. Mona will answer these questions in a future Sunday Morning Q&A email. Chances are if you have a parenting concern or question, another parent can relate. So let's figure this out together!