Facing Shadows

Nighttime fears are common for young children. Fears of the dark often emerge as children begin to develop their sense of imagination. The darkness can be particularly daunting because it limits their sense of sight and can make familiar surroundings seem unfamiliar and potentially scary. This fear is a normal part of development, but it can be distressing for you and your child. It usually diminishes as children learn to differentiate between imagined fears and reality.

So, how can you help your child navigate their fear of the dark?

Most importantly, remember that fear is a normal human emotion.

Just like anger, frustration, sadness, or happiness. You want to teach your child about these feelings rather than dismissing them. Avoid saying, “There’s nothing to be scared of,” since this is a real fear for them. Instead, when your child expresses fear, acknowledge it and let them know it’s okay to feel scared – “I understand that the dark can feel scary sometimes. It’s okay to feel that way.” This validation helps them feel understood and supported.

You can also use this opportunity to ask age-appropriate questions.

Ask them to describe what scares them about the dark. For example, “I see you’re scared of the dark. What makes the dark scary?” This can provide insight into their fears and help you address specific worries. Since fear of the dark is often fueled by the unknown, you can work as a team and explore the dark together. Explain that familiar things look different in the dark, but they are still the same. You can show them, “See how your toys look different when the lights are off? They’re still the same toys, just in the dark.”

Some toddlers find comfort in a stuffed animal or blanket.

You can encourage your child to take their favorite “lovey” to bed. “Here’s your teddy bear. Teddy will keep you company all night long.” When a child has a trusted stuffed animal or blanket to hold onto, it can alleviate feelings of loneliness or vulnerability. The familiarity of the “lovey” can provide a sense of security and emotional support.

Using a nightlight in combination with gradual exposure therapy can help your child overcome their fear of the dark.

What does this ideally look like? Start by placing a dim nightlight in your child’s room. This will help to reduce the stark contrast between light and dark. Over time, you can gradually reduce the brightness of the nightlight or move it farther away from your child’s bed. The timing will vary depending on your child and how they adjust.

Alternatively, you can stay with your child until they fall asleep as part of the gradual exposure therapy.

Begin by sitting close to their bed and offer reassurance and comfort as they drift off to sleep. “I am here with you in the dark. You are safe. I will stay with you until you fall asleep.” Then, progressively increase the distance between you and the bed, eventually moving to sitting outside the room with the door open. This method helps them feel secure with you nearby, while also encouraging them to become more independent when falling asleep. You can also use a timer to stay with your child before bed. Start by setting the timer for a longer duration and stay with them during this time as they settle into bed. Gradually reduce the time by a few minutes so they become accustomed to falling asleep with less of your presence. This approach provides a clear and consistent routine, helping your child build confidence. The timer also helps establish expectations and creates a structured way to gradually wean them off, needing you to be there for an extended period of time.

A final note

Remember that navigating your child’s fear of the dark requires patience – they will not overcome it in one night. Throughout this process, maintaining a calm and empathetic approach is key to fostering a trusting environment where your child feels safe. Each child is different and will be receptive to different methods and progress at their own time. Don’t forget to comment on their bravery when they make small steps towards overcoming their fear.

On The Podcast

#PhilipsPartner The fourth trimester is hard for many reasons, and feeding difficulties can impact a parent’s mental well-being. But how so, and why do feeding difficulties play a role in our mental state? 

On this episode, I’ll discuss:

• How challenges in newborn feeding can impact maternal mental well-being.

• Why we need to utilize our support system and #ShareTheCare postpartum.

• How to protect our mental well-being AND focus on our postpartum feeding goals.

Ask Dr. Mona

An opportunity for YOU to ask Dr. Mona your parenting questions!

Dr. Mona will answer these questions in a future Sunday Morning Q&A email. Chances are if you have a parenting concern or question, another parent can relate. So let's figure this out together!