“How Do I Handle My Kids Being Loud?”

Our kids can be very loud. Whether it’s laughter, yelling, screaming of joy, or tantrums, their volumes seem to be set very high. It’s natural. As parents, we’ve all felt overwhelmed when the noises seem non-stop. It can be overstimulating, making it hard to hear ourselves think or have conversations with adults.

It’s important to reflect on why you feel overstimulated in the moment. Everyone has a different level of how they experience the world around them from a sensory perspective. Many of our triggers accumulate throughout the day or are part of a bigger picture. First, recognize and understand your triggers. Ask yourself, “What are some of my triggers?” and “What brought me to this moment?” For more about feeling overstimulated in parenthood, listen to this PedsDocTalk podcast episode, which includes useful coping mechanisms and what not to do when you are feeling overstimulated.

So, how can you navigate this? Remember, every child is different – some are just loud, and some are quieter. They receive information and learn differently. These tips are for you to consider and modify to best suit you and your child.

Model the behavior that you want and teach by example

To clarify, this is not only in situations where they are very loud or dysregulated, but, also in everyday moments. “What is the typical volume in your home?” Recognize moments where you can model a quiet volume in everyday situations.

When the volume in the house starts to rise, try to avoid raising your voice. If we try to talk over our children, they will try to talk over us. If you start to feel overstimulated, remember to take a breath, pause, and give yourself space to avoid yelling. Instead, try to be calm and bring the energy level down – our children feel our emotions.

There are also times when we are loud and full of energy, like when we are playing, dancing, or singing. Give plenty of opportunities for a “yes” to being loud. Children are naturally loud and full of energy. These activities provide a healthy outlet for their energy and help teach them the difference and balance between being loud and quiet.

Keep it playful

When our children are loud and full of energy, keeping it lighthearted can help redirect their excitement in a positive way. Keep it lighthearted and ask them about their day, “Wow, you seem really excited today! What happened?” This can help channel their energy into an engaging conversation. It also shows them that you noticed and are interested in their feelings and experiences.

Playing games, like practicing whispering or yelling, can be a fun way to teach children about controlling their volume. Children really love games. So you can say, “Okay, we are going to get really, really quiet. Like this…” Then start to whisper, “When Mommy counts to three, we can all scream. 1, 2, 3…” Then, scream, “YAYYY!” Again, this gives the opportunity for a “yes” to being loud.

Reverse Psychology

Children naturally want to assert their independence and make their own choices, which is how reverse psychology can be helpful. To encourage your child to be quiet, you might say, “Who will be quiet the longest? Oh, Ryaan, you are not going to be quiet for the longest time, are you? I think it’s going to be Mommy.”

Avoid using indoor and outdoor voices since this can be confusing. There will likely be times when people are loud indoors and quiet outdoors. Instead, try to consistently use quiet and loud since this refers to the actual volume, regardless of the location.

Sometimes, suggesting the opposite can turn resistance into cooperation. Reverse psychology is only used in fun and lighthearted situations. It should be used sparingly and thoughtfully to avoid causing confusion or mistrust.

A final note

As parents, we can’t control everything. Children learn by testing boundaries, a crucial part of their development. Children will likely be loud. You are in control of your actions and how you respond to your child when they’re loud.

While we can guide and teach them, it’s not always easy or perfect. Every child is unique, and our best efforts might not always have immediate results. So much of parenting is repetition.

Listen to this PedsDocTalk podcast episode for more guidance on navigating children being loud, including why loudness is triggering, how to approach it from a mindset shift as a parent, and strategies to reduce the volume in your home.

On The Podcast

May is Food Allergy Awareness Month, and part of that is recognizing that even if you or a family member may not have a food allergy, someone you know may have food allergies. I welcome Ina Chung, a food allergy mom, educator, and author of A Kids Book about Food Allergies, who is passionate about food allergy inclusivity.

She joins me to discuss:

• Why food allergy inclusivity is important

• Top 3 misconceptions people who don’t have food allergies have about food allergies

•  A four-step framework to safely include children with allergies in events such as parties

Ask Dr. Mona

An opportunity for YOU to ask Dr. Mona your parenting questions!

Dr. Mona will answer these questions in a future Sunday Morning Q&A email. Chances are if you have a parenting concern or question, another parent can relate. So let's figure this out together!