How I don’t let hard moments hijack my day and life...

If you’ve been following me for a while, you know I’m not a stranger to hard days. Even if I don’t always talk about them in real time.

We all have them. Sometimes it’s something big, like a diagnosis, a health issue, or a season that feels heavy. And sometimes it’s harder to name. You just feel… off.

That was me the other day. Nothing major happened, but I just felt sad.

And instead of trying to snap out of it or telling myself, “Why do you feel this way?” I did something different.

I just named it: “I’m feeling sad today.”

My husband noticed, we talked about it, and honestly, just acknowledging it helped take some of the weight off.

And it made me think about how quickly our minds can take one feeling or one moment and turn it into something bigger.

Because parenting especially has a way of taking a completely normal day and flipping it fast.

The baby skips a nap. Your child gets sick. You get sick. Bedtime unravels. Or one small change somehow throws everything off.

And sometimes the hardest part isn’t even the moment itself, it’s how quickly your mind goes from  “this is frustrating” to “everything is falling apart.”

That’s why I like the idea of practical optimism. I explored this more in a podcast conversation with Dr. Sue Varma, and what stood out to me most is that it is not about pretending hard things are easy or forcing a silver lining when you are overwhelmed. It is a more grounded kind of optimism, one that makes room for stress, disappointment, and uncertainty while still helping you move toward steadier action.

As parents, that distinction matters because so much of parenting is unpredictable, and the stress is often less about one major crisis and more about the steady buildup of smaller moments that wear on you. A plan changes, your child is up all night, the day starts to feel off, and before you know it, you are carrying much more than the moment in front of you. In those seasons, most of us are not looking for someone to tell us to “just be positive.” We are looking for ways to stay grounded, flexible, and better able to handle what is actually happening.

What is practical optimism?

One of the most helpful parts of this conversation is that practical optimism is not framed as a personality trait reserved for naturally positive people. Dr. Sue Varma describes it more as a skill set and a mindset, something that helps turn a hopeful outlook into steadier, more constructive action. In other words, it is not just about believing things will work out. It is about asking, “What can I do with what is in front of me right now?”

That distinction is key, especially in parenting. Because optimism can sometimes get written off as being unrealistic or too “head in the clouds,” when really the more useful version is much more grounded than that. Practical optimism makes room for the fact that something may be hard, disappointing, or uncertain, while still helping you stay open to the possibility that it can be handled. It is not about pretending everything is fine, brushing past difficult emotions, or forcing yourself into positivity when something genuinely feels hard.

I think that is what can feel so reassuring for parents. It is not necessary to have the “right” personality or to try to be something you’re simply not. It is about practicing a steadier, more supportive way of thinking when life feels messy, overwhelming, or not at all how you hoped the day would go.

What this can look like at home

Some people are able to get through hard things while staying more adaptive in the middle of them. As parents, that ability is important because so much of parenting asks us to recover, adjust, and keep going even when the day is not unfolding how we expected.

It can look like this: your child skips a nap, gets overtired, and bedtime starts unraveling. They are crying, you are touched out, and your mind starts moving fast. What started as a hard bedtime can begin to feel like something much bigger.

Suddenly, the story in your head is no longer just, “This is hard tonight.” It becomes, “Nothing is working,” or “The whole night is ruined,” or “I cannot do this well.”

Practical optimism does not ask you to pretend the moment feels fine when it clearly does not. It helps you stay closer to what is actually true. You might remind yourself:

That shift may sound small, but it changes a lot. It keeps one hard moment from turning into a bigger story about everything falling apart. And in parenting, where so many stressors are repetitive, unpredictable, and emotionally loaded, that kind of mental flexibility can make a real difference.

It also may not come naturally, and it may not feel easy in the moment. That is part of why practical optimism is so helpful to think about as a skill. It is something we practice over time, not something we are expected to do perfectly every time life feels hard.

When realism helps, and when it starts to keep you stuck

It’s also worth saying that practical optimism is not about ignoring what feels off. Sometimes a more cautious lens is helpful. It can help us notice something important, ask more questions, or take something seriously before it gets worse. That kind of realism matters.

The problem usually is not seeing the issue. It is getting stuck in it.

In parenting, that can happen really quickly. One hard bedtime turns into “I’m failing.” A rough week starts to feel like everything in the house is unraveling. A challenging phase begins to sound permanent, like this is just how life is going to feel now.

That’s where practical optimism can help a little. It does not erase what is hard, but it can keep it from becoming the whole story.

I also think this is where an important layer of nuance matters. If your mind is constantly going to the worst-case scenario, if you feel stuck there, or if that negativity is affecting your daily functioning, your relationships, or your ability to cope, this may be more than a pessimistic tendency. Anxiety and depression can absolutely shape the way someone sees the world, and in those situations, the answer is not to just try harder to be positive. More support may be needed.

This is important to acknowledge in parenting, too. Sometimes what looks like chronic negativity or always expecting the worst is really a parent who is depleted, anxious, depressed, or carrying more than they can process on their own. Practical optimism can be a helpful skill, but it is not a replacement for mental health support when the struggle goes deeper than a mindset shift.

Protecting your foundation before the next hard moment

One part of this conversation that really stayed with me is the reminder that these skills are harder to access when we are already deep in stress. When you are exhausted, stretched thin, overstimulated, or running on empty, it becomes much harder to find perspective in the moment.

That is why this is not only about what you tell yourself during a hard day. It is also about what helps support your baseline before the next hard day comes.

For parents, that foundation often starts with the basics, like sleep, rest, and the small choices that protect your nervous system. I know that can sound almost too simple, especially in parenting, where getting enough sleep can honestly feel laughable depending on the season you are in. But it is still true that everything feels heavier when your foundation is worn down.

I also appreciated the reminder that we usually do not learn a brand-new coping skill in the middle of a crisis. We build it in calmer moments, and that is what makes it easier to reach for when things start to unravel.

That may mean building in a little more margin where you can, noticing what tends to tip you over faster, or getting more honest about the support you need. Practical optimism can absolutely show up as a mindset shift, but it can also look like protecting your sleep, asking for help, or recognizing that you need steadier support before the next stressful moment hits.

My other small ways to practice practical optimism

I don’t always get this right. But there are a couple of small things I come back to that help me stay more grounded when my mind starts to spiral.

Look for the hearts

One of them is something simple. I look for hearts. Not in a forced way, not like I’m scanning the world trying to find something positive when I’m overwhelmed. But when I notice one, in a book, on a shirt, in something random, I pause. I let myself take it in for a second. It’s a small reminder that even on hard days, there is still connection, still love, still something steady underneath it all.

And the most beautiful thing about this? Is your DMs! You send me pictures of your hearts-a way for us to stay connected and reminded of the good or the good amidst the hard.

My gratitude jar

The other is a gratitude jar I keep. Not in a ‘everything is great’ kind of way. But as a place to collect small moments that felt good, meaningful, or just a little easier.

A good conversation. A moment of connection. A meal. Somebody. Something.  A moment I handled better than I usually would.

On hard days, I don’t always reach for it. But over time, it builds a more balanced view of my life.

Not just what’s hard, but what’s also working. More about my practice in this video. 

Final thoughts

What I appreciate most about practical optimism is how honest it feels. It does not ask us to ignore what is hard, force gratitude in the middle of overwhelm, or pretend we are handling everything with ease. It offers a more grounded way to move through the parts of parenting that feel uncertain, repetitive, and emotionally heavy.

So much of parenting is not about avoiding stress altogether. It is about learning how to come back from it, how to keep one difficult moment from becoming the lens through which we see everything else, and how to care for our mental health along the way.

If this is an area where you tend to struggle, I hope this can be a reminder for all of us that optimism does not have to be something we are simply born with. It can be practiced, strengthened, and supported over time. And for some of us, that support may also include therapy or other mental health care when the weight of things feels harder to carry on our own.

I explored this more in my PedsDocTalk podcast conversation with Dr. Sue Varma, where we talk more about practical optimism, pessimism, mental health, and how to build more steadiness when life feels heavy.

On The Podcast

In this solo episode, I reflect on a question that stopped me in my tracks: Why am I not worthy of my own love? Inspired by the passing of James Van Der Beek and a clip that deeply moved me, this conversation opens up a bigger discussion about self-love, self-worth, and how both begin taking shape in childhood.

As a pediatrician and mom, I share why helping our children build a strong sense of worth may be one of the most important things we ever do. We talk about how unconditional love, emotional validation, secure attachment, and the way we speak to our kids, and ourselves, all shape the inner voice they carry for life. I also explore how comparison, shame, performance-based praise, and dismissed emotions can quietly chip away at self-worth over time.

We talk a lot about maternal mental health postpartum. But we do not talk enough about dads.

In this episode, my husband joins me for an honest conversation about paternal mental health, birth trauma, pressure, and what it felt like to become a father while navigating medical complications and the early days of the pandemic.

We discuss the silent expectations placed on fathers to be “the strong one,” to go back to work quickly, to provide, and to hold everything together — often without anyone asking how they are actually doing.

Ask Dr. Mona

An opportunity for YOU to ask Dr. Mona your parenting questions!

Dr. Mona will answer these questions in a future Sunday Morning Q&A email. Chances are if you have a parenting concern or question, another parent can relate. So let's figure this out together!