Need a Break from Playtime?

The truth is you don’t always need to play with your child. There are so many benefits of independent play. Of course, interactive play is essential for child development and learning. It’s really about finding a balance between independent play and interactive play.

Independent play has benefits for both you and your child. Fostering independent play in children is crucial for their development and well-being. Many of the skills learned during independent play are essential and lifelong.

Why is independent play so beneficial?

Independent play allows your child time for emotional regulation. They have the opportunity to experience a range of emotions in a safe and controlled environment. They learn to manage their feelings, whether it's dealing with frustration when a puzzle doesn't fit together or finding joy in discovering something new. Children also learn to self-soothe and calm themselves down when encountering challenges or setbacks, which encourages resilience.

It fosters autonomy and builds self-confidence by allowing them to take control of their own experiences, make decisions, and learn from their mistakes. When they are playing alone, they learn to trust themselves first – there isn’t always someone to jump in.

Playing independently gives children the opportunity to explore their creativity and imagination without relying on constant adult interaction or structured activities. During this time, they have the freedom to follow their interests and explore activities that capture their attention. This unstructured playtime allows for open-ended exploration and experimentation, which is foundational for learning. This can help to lengthen their attention span.

Check out the PedsDocTalk Amazon Storefront for many open-ended toy recommendations for specific age ranges!

Children develop critical thinking and problem-solving skills as they encounter new challenges and have to use their own strategies to overcome them. They may have to think outside the box! Sometimes, young children will need encouragement to continue thinking through an obstacle. Interactive play is often essential to demonstrate play or teach them skills. Then, you can guide them from nearby if needed. Give them the opportunity to find the solution by narrating what you see and how they could think about the problem.

During independent play, children are proud of themselves when they learn what they are capable of. Trust me – you will see it in their face when you watch from nearby! They feel secure knowing you are present and available if needed.

How can I help my child to play independently?

First, manage your expectations.

Don’t expect your child to want to play alone all the time. You cannot expect a toddler to focus for a long time. Attention span varies by age and each child. It helps to implement a routine or schedule that includes time for interactive play and independent play. You can work to lengthen the amount of independent play progressively.

Start independent play at a young age.

You can even start during infancy! This will look like them playing, but with you watching nearby. For example, after you play with them – maybe it’s a face-to-face conversation, you then set them up to play on their mat, looking at black and white pictures while you are nearby watching. Establishing this at an early age can help with routine.

Create a play space that is conducive to independent play.

The most ideal toys are open-ended since they can be played with in multiple ways. Check out this PedsDocTalk YouTube video about open-ended toys. It’s really about the quality of the toys rather than the quantity. With fewer options, it increases their creativity and maximizes their time with the toy. It can be helpful to rotate toys to continue to spark their interest. 

Avoid interrupting your child during play.

Sometimes, as parents, we inadvertently interrupt our children during play. Remind yourself to simply observe. You are there if they need help, but allow them time to try themselves initially.

Focus on connection and quality time with your child.

This is where interactive play is still important. Even short amounts of one-on-one time when you can will facilitate more independent play. Children crave connection, so if you give them this time, it helps to fill up their cup, and they are more likely to be content playing independently. Remember, you can use times during daily routines for this time, such as meals or baths. The goal is quality, uninterrupted time with your child.

Lastly, don’t forget to verbalize when you’re unable to play.

We often forget the power of verbalization. This allows you to set clear expectations when you physically cannot be there. For example, “I hear you want me. Mommy is finishing cooking, and I will be there soon.” Then, you don’t need to rush – continue doing what you need to finish. You can narrate what you’re doing and let them know they need to wait for you. This also helps teach them patience. It’s helpful to have clear boundaries and expectations.

Looking for more tips?

Still in need of a few more tips to help encourage independent play? Listen to this PedsDocTalk podcast episode for more guidance, especially for young children!

On The Podcast

Jennifer Gates Nassar is the eldest daughter of Bill and Melinda French Gates. She has grown up with privilege but is paving her own path as a medical student and soon-to-be doctor and mother. For this Finding Joy episode, I welcome her on to discuss:

• How her parents instilled work ethic and grit in her despite growing up with privilege

• The single most important thing her parents did in raising her that she’s grateful for

• How she’s found her own identity and calling

• What she hopes her daughter sees in her as she grows up

Ask Dr. Mona

An opportunity for YOU to ask Dr. Mona your parenting questions!

Dr. Mona will answer these questions in a future Sunday Morning Q&A email. Chances are if you have a parenting concern or question, another parent can relate. So let's figure this out together!