Our Kids Need to See Us Fail and Try Again

There are parenting moments that stay with me long after the day has moved on.

When I find myself rushing out the door and lose my patience, or bedtime stretches longer than I was hoping, and I respond more sharply than I wanted to… I replay it later. I think about what I wish I had done differently.

I spend a lot of time talking about giving children room to make mistakes. We want our kids to tolerate frustration, try again when something feels difficult, and understand that one disappointing moment does not define them.

But it can be much harder to extend that same grace to ourselves.

When I sat down with Shawn Johnson East and Andrew East to talk about their new book, The Courage to Commit, I expected us to talk about perseverance, family values, and what it means to stay anchored in a world filled with distractions.

We did talk about all of that. But the part that stayed with me most was what our children learn when they watch us make a mistake, take responsibility, and come back ready to try again.

Failure can be part of the process

Shawn shared that one of the greatest gifts her gymnastics coach gave her was teaching her to expect failure.

When she was learning a new skill, he told her that she needed to fall flat on her face a thousand times before she would get it right. He celebrated failure because trying, falling, and returning to the work were all part of getting better.

I felt that one deeply.

During our conversation, I shared that I was not raised with failure being an option. For much of my life, hard work felt fairly predictable. I studied, got the grades, and continued moving forward on the path toward becoming a doctor.

Starting PedsDocTalk was a rude awakening in a lot of ways. Suddenly, I was thinking about metrics, revenue, and how to pay my employees, wondering why something was not getting views, wondering why my voice wasn’t as heard or accepted as others in my niche, changing direction when an idea did not land, and learning how to become more comfortable with uncertainty.

Once I started to accept that I could still be worthy even when something did not work out exactly the way I hoped, I felt lighter.

What our kids see when we try again

I think our generation has made meaningful progress in raising children with more emotional awareness. We are thinking more intentionally about connection, empathy, and how we respond when our kids are having a hard time.

At the same time, many of us still feel deeply uncomfortable with failure.

When our children struggle, our instinct is often to step in quickly and make the hard feeling go away. When we lose patience or have a difficult parenting moment ourselves, we may carry far more guilt than we would ever want our children to feel after making a mistake.

Toward the end of our conversation, Shawn shared something that made me emotional.

She talked about wanting her children to see her keep trying, even after a hard day. She wants them to hear her apologize, acknowledge that she wants to do better, and return the next day ready to try again.

I keep coming back to that.

For me, the important part is that the apology is not where it ends. It also means reflecting on what happened and working on how we show up the next time. Our children can see us take responsibility while also watching us work on how we show up the next time.

I think there is something powerful about our kids seeing that process. They learn that a hard moment does not erase the relationship, and that repair takes honesty and effort.

Shawn and Andrew also make room for the reality that some commitments need to be pruned. Sometimes something no longer fits. Other times, we may be tempted to walk away because the current moment feels frustrating or difficult. Knowing the difference takes reflection.

There is much more to this conversation, including how they think about family values, the commitments that deserve more of our energy, and the difference between staying the course and recognizing when it may be time to change direction.

But the reminder I am carrying with me is simple: our children are watching us learn too. They get to see what it looks like to apologize, keep trying, and show up again tomorrow.

Listen to my full conversation with Shawn Johnson East and Andrew East wherever you get your podcasts.

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