Power Struggles Every Day?

I’ve always known I’m a strong-willed person, and raising a strong-willed child has been…humbling. 

When we started potty training, I had a vision. The classic three-day method: no pants, lots of success, check it off the list. And day one? He crushed it. I thought, we’ve got this.

But by day two, everything shifted. He started resisting. I started pressuring him. And before I knew it, we were in a full-on power struggle. I knew better, but I was so focused on “completing” potty training that I lost sight of how he was feeling.

One moment stands out. He was sitting on the toilet crying, and I finally just sat with him. I said, “Hey, sweetie, I’m sorry. You don’t like it when Mommy tells you what to do like this?” He said, “No, Mommy I don’t want to go poo poo.”

So, I took a deep breath. I gave him a hug. I brought my energy down. I told him, “It’s okay. I know you can do this.”

And right after the hug, he pooped in the toilet.

It wasn’t about the method. It was about being seen. What he needed was a mom who wasn’t fighting him, but meeting him where he was. And in that moment, I realized, it’s not on him to de-escalate. It’s on me.

That moment taught me something I still remind myself of: when things start to feel like a battle, I need to lead the way out, rather than digging in deeper. Take a step back, take a deep breath, and say, “Okay, here’s what I need to do right now.”

If you’ve ever thought, “Why is everything a battle?” you’re not alone. Parenting a strong-willed child can feel like you’re starring in a courtroom drama... but the witness (your child) objects to everything, and you're the one on trial. Whether it’s socks, screen time, or bedtime negotiations that feel like a courtroom debate, these kids know what they want. And they’re not afraid to let you know.

This was the focus of a recent podcast episode, and it ended up being one of the most downloaded and listened-to episodes last month. So we’re bringing some of those ideas here too, especially if you’ve ever walked away from a power struggle feeling frustrated, defeated, or unsure of what else to try.

(Also: you’re not failing. You’re just parenting a tiny CEO-in-training.)

Strong-willed doesn’t mean bad, and it doesn’t mean you’re doing it wrong. It means your child is wired to lead, to question, and to resist being told “because I said so.” The goal isn’t to shut that down, but to try and guide it with clarity, confidence, and connection.

What it actually means to be strong-willed

Being strong-willed doesn’t mean being difficult. It means being determined. These kids aren’t “too much” they’re very much themselves. And honestly? That’s not a bad thing. Strong-willed kids are often:

• Laser-focused on doing things their way

• Resistant to being rushed, bossed, or bribed
  Experts in asking “why?” and then asking “why?” again

• Wired to lead, not to blindly follow

If you’ve ever negotiated over which spoon is the right spoon, you probably have a strong-willed kid.

Part of this comes down to temperament. Some kids are simply wired to question, to challenge, to hold their ground. But it’s important to remember that not all kids who resist transitions or routines are strong-willed, some are just… toddlers. Pushing back is normal at this stage as they’re discovering autonomy and learning that “I have a say!”

As I was raising my son, I knew he seemed strong-willed as I compared him to other toddlers and preschoolers his age, and it wasn’t until I had my daughter that I confirmed–YUP. Precisely. This child is IN FACT strong-willed. Just like his momma, TBH! 

And for some neurodiverse kids like those with ADHD, autism, or sensory processing differences, transitions can be especially tough, not because they’re strong-willed, but because their brains process change differently. They might need extra time, predictability, or sensory support.

The heart of it? Strong-willed kids aren’t trying to make your life harder (even if it feels that way at bedtime!). They’re trying to carve out a little control in a world where so many decisions are made for them. What may look like defiance is often a child fiercely protecting their sense of autonomy. When we can see that, it’s easier to respond with strategies that support them, rather than just react in the heat of the moment.

What people get wrong about strong-willed kids

It’s easy to assume these kids are just being difficult. The constant negotiating, the refusal to budge, the strong opinions about everything. It can wear you down. But often, what’s underneath isn’t about being “bad” or defiant. It’s a child trying to feel capable, respected, and in control of their world.

Strong-willed kids don’t usually respond well to control or pressure. The more they feel backed into a corner, the more likely they are to dig in. Not to upset you, but to protect their sense of autonomy.

It’s not personal. It’s protective.

And here’s where it gets tricky: when kids hear the same label over and over (stubborn, dramatic, bossy), they start to believe it. So do the adults around them. That label becomes the lens we all look through.

But strong-willed doesn’t mean too much. These kids are often incredibly tuned in. They notice when something feels off. They want to be understood. And like Zack shared in the episode, when we approach them with connection instead of control, they’re capable of incredible growth.

The parenting shift that changes everything

One of the most helpful mindset shifts when parenting a strong-willed child is this:

Let go of total control, so your child can let go of total resistance.

One of the most helpful mindset shifts when parenting a strong-willed child is learning to release the idea of total control, because that’s often what allows your child to release total resistance. This doesn’t mean giving in or letting your child run the show. It means modeling the kind of cooperation you want to see. When a child feels seen, respected, and trusted, they’re more likely to respond with the same.

It’s less about becoming a “gentle parenting guru” and more about not turning every disagreement into an Olympic-level standoff.

In the podcast, this idea was framed as “mutual submission.” But at its core, it’s about shifting from power over your child to connection with your child. Instead of focusing on obedience in the moment, you're building long-term trust. That trust creates the foundation for cooperation that lasts beyond the toddler years. That kind of cooperation matters even more as kids grow and life gets more complex.

The goal isn’t to avoid boundaries or consequences, but to hold them with clarity and consistency, while still giving your child the space to step into the expectation. That small shift can make a big difference.

What this looks like in real life

Let’s say you ask your child to help put away the toys, and they say “no.” It’s one word, but it can bring up so much: frustration, urgency, the instinct to take control. These are the moments where power struggles tend to take over. But how we respond can shift everything.

Instead of reacting with frustration or launching into a long explanation, try something simpler:

Strong-willed kids often need a little time to process. Zack discusses how rushing a child when they’re dysregulated or piling on pressure with more talking often backfires. But when they’re given a clear, calm expectation and a moment to choose how to meet it, they’re more likely to come around.

And here’s something else to keep in mind: kids learn how to cooperate by watching us. When we stay regulated, hold steady, and avoid turning every moment into a teachable lecture, we’re modeling the very cooperation we hope to see. A long lecture in the heat of a power struggle usually doesn’t land. In fact, it can make a child feel more misunderstood, not more motivated.

This isn’t about letting them off the hook. It’s about holding firm without pushing harder. When kids feel that steady presence, one that’s clear, calm, and not trying to overpower them, they’re much more likely to move toward cooperation, not away from it.

Final thoughts

Parenting a strong-willed child takes patience, perspective, and a whole lot of deep breaths. These kids tend to challenge us, and they also invite us to lead with more intention. Think of them as your personal trainer in emotional growth. Exhausting? Yes. Effective? Also yes.

It’s important to remember that it’s not about “winning” the moment or getting instant obedience. It’s about building trust over time. When you guide with empathy and hold boundaries with calm confidence, you’re helping your child feel safe and capable. You’re showing them that their voice matters, but so does yours.

Want more on this? The full conversation with parent coach Zack Kasabo is packed with mindset shifts, real-life tips, and examples that so many families found helpful.

On The Podcast

If you’ve ever brushed off leaking when you laugh, pain during sex, or lingering constipation as “just part of being a mom,” this episode is your permission slip to stop normalizing what’s treatable.

I’m joined by a pelvic floor physical therapist who breaks down why your pelvic floor deserves attention—not just after vaginal birth, but after any pregnancy. We talk about how these muscles are essential to everyday life: from pooping and peeing to core strength, intimacy, and even your mental health.

Is parenting starting to feel like one giant checklist you’re constantly failing?

In this episode, I introduce a powerful mindset shift called Zoom Out Parenting, a way to ditch the guilt, the hyper-tracking, and the unrealistic expectations that make modern parenting feel overwhelming. From picky eating to screen time guilt, wake windows to milestone anxiety, I explore why we spiral into perfectionism and how to step back and focus on what actually matters. You’ll learn:

• What Zoom Out Parenting really means

• Why zooming in too closely fuels guilt and anxiety

• Real-life examples of how to reframe everyday parenting struggles

• The one question that can stop a parenting spiral in its track
  

On YouTube

You don’t have to choose between purees or BLW. There’s more than one safe, responsive way to feed your baby. Let’s find what works for you. This video includes:

• What’s the difference between purees and baby led weaning?

• Signs your baby is ready for solids

• How to introduce foods safely

• Pediatrician mom solid food tips

Ask Dr. Mona

An opportunity for YOU to ask Dr. Mona your parenting questions!

Dr. Mona will answer these questions in a future Sunday Morning Q&A email. Chances are if you have a parenting concern or question, another parent can relate. So let's figure this out together!