Screen Time Tantrums

As summer approaches, screen time habits often shift with the changes in routine. With more free time and longer days, sometimes this means more screen time. This change can lead to increased entitlement and dependency on screens – sparking power struggles and tantrums as you try to create a healthy screen time balance for your family.

What does it look like when you manage screen time boundaries?

It’s a rainy afternoon when you play Bluey for your children. As soon as you mention the end of screen time, your child’s face scrunches, and they start to wail, insisting on just one more episode.

You feel the familiar tug of war inside, knowing that giving in might calm the storm quickly. 

But you understand that you should turn Bluey off since you originally said only one episode. You agreed to one episode and then planned to do a puzzle.

The crying gets louder, and you catch yourself glancing at the clock. It’s almost time to start preparing dinner and then start the bedtime routine. You ask yourself, “Is it really worth the struggle tonight?”

You find yourself giving in with just one more episode to avoid a big meltdown.

This is the number one mistake to avoid during screen time tantrums.

Children are naturally good at understanding cause and effect. They quickly learn that their actions can elicit specific responses from their caregivers. If you give in to the demands when your child becomes upset, such as allowing them to watch just one extra episode, you inadvertently teach your child that crying or tantrums are effective tools for getting what they want. It’s simple logic: " When I cry, I get what I want.”

It’s important to differentiate between emotion and behavior. It’s perfectly acceptable for a child to feel upset – they don’t have to like the boundary, and often they won’t.

It’s your role to acknowledge and accept the child’s emotions, showing empathy and understanding while firmly maintaining boundaries. When they cry over a boundary, you calmly follow through and offer a hug, physical affection, or time to process their feelings while they manage those big emotions.

Keep these tips for screen time boundaries in mind for next time:

Decide your screen time boundary and commit to it.

This is for you to decide, every family will have different boundaries based on their preferences. For example, “We can watch one episode of Bluey, and then we are going to do a puzzle.”

Speak as fact rather than asking a question.

Sometimes, it’s easy to forget, but don’t offer a choice if there is no room for negotiation. Asking a yes/no question when there is no true option for them can be confusing. “Can you turn off the TV now?” Many children will want to say no. Rather, keep your tone calm and factual, “It’s time to turn the TV off now. The episode is finished.” You can offer choices if there is actually a choice. For example, “Do you want to turn off the TV, or should I?” Avoid giving choices if your child is already dysregulated in the moment. If they do not choose one of the choices you offered, calmly explain, “You are having a hard time deciding, I will turn off the TV today.” Offering choice when you can will give your child a sense of control.

Calmly follow through with the screen time boundary.

This is one of the most important parts – when you set a boundary, it’s important to follow through despite your child’s actions. If you decide that screen time is over, you need to follow through. This shows them that it is an important boundary and that they can trust your word. You said just one episode, and it was only one episode. “Okay, the episode is done, that was so fun! Now it’s time to turn off the TV.” Then, you must turn off the TV and remain calm if they have a meltdown.

Consistency matters with boundaries.

There will likely be flexible exceptions to your boundaries – maybe more screen time on the weekends. But, you are holding your boundary 80% or more of the time going into the moment. In full honesty, maybe 20% of the time, you will not follow through perfectly because you don’t want the power struggle or you changed your mind. Just remember, you set the boundary and try to be consistent at least 80% of the time.

Don’t fear the tears.

Your child may not like the boundary, but they are for their well-being. Boundary setting can be associated with tears and tantrums, but please remember that their tears are manifestations of their feelings. Approach their feelings with verbalization, empathy, and redirection. “I see you’re feeling upset about turning off the TV. I like watching TV with you too. Let’s go see what puzzle we want to do today!”

Looking for more?

Check out the PedsDocTalk Toddlers & Tantrums Course for more on toddler behavior and navigating tantrums.

On The Podcast

Do you consider yourself an optimist? Although some people may be more optimistic than others, you can learn to foster an optimistic mindset – a key tool for parents to build resiliency and navigate the unexpected. I welcome Dr. Sue Varma, a psychiatrist, cognitive behavioral therapist, and author of the new book, Practical Optimism: The Art, Science and Practice of Exceptional Wellbeing. We discuss:

• What is practical optimism, and how it differs from toxic positivity and pessimism

• If there is a genetic component of optimism or if it can be learned

• How some people survive, even thrive, despite profound challenges

• The 8 Pillars of optimism and the 3Ps of pessimism

• How optimism can help with dealing with the unexpected, especially as parents

On YouTube

In this video, we explore sleep regressions—when they’re normal, signs to watch for, tips to manage, and when to consult a doctor.

This video includes:

• What is a sleep regression?

• Signs of sleep regressions

• Why sleep regressions happen

• When do they happen? How long do they last?

• What NOT to do during a sleep regression

• When to seek help

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