Protecting Your Peace

The holiday season often includes gatherings with friends and family, celebrating and spending time together. But for many parents, it can also bring moments of discomfort– especially when navigating unwanted comments or behaviors from relatives and friends. Maybe it’s that awkward moment when someone critiques your parenting choices, questions your child’s behavior, or offers unsolicited advice. You want to stand up for your parenting style and protect your child, but you don’t want to stir up unnecessary drama. If that sounds familiar, you’re not alone.

Navigating these situations isn’t always easy, but setting boundaries is so important– not just for protecting your peace but also for reinforcing what truly matters to your family. Boundaries remind others that your parenting choices deserve respect, and they help create an environment where everyone feels supported, comfortable, and valued. By setting boundaries, you’re also modeling self-respect for your child and teaching them how to navigate relationships with confidence. 

It’s important to remember that boundaries aren’t about creating conflict—they’re about creating an environment where everyone feels valued and supported. For many, especially with toxic family dynamics, setting boundaries may feel uncomfortable, but it’s a necessary part of ensuring your family’s well-being. If you know you’re dealing with a “frequent flier” who tends to cross lines, it’s ideal to set the tone before the event so everyone is on the same page. But, when these moments still happen (and they can), it’s important to set boundaries in front of your children in a positive way that celebrates your child. This reminds them you’re on THEIR team no matter what anybody says, including a relative. Debriefs after with your child on unwelcome comments are also very useful and empower your child. We may not be able to control what anyone else says to our children or in front of our children, but we can set boundaries and talk with them after these moments. 

Recently, we’ve received many questions from the PedsDocTalk community about handling these tricky situations. What stood out? The same types of challenges kept coming up again and again. So, we’ve put together the top 7 boundary challenges parents face during the holidays– and how you can handle them (or at least feel prepared).

7 Common Holiday Boundary Challenges (and How to Navigate Them)

When it comes to the holidays, certain scenarios tend to pop up again and again. These moments, whether intentional or not, can push boundaries leaving parents feeling frustrated or unsure of how to respond. Feeling prepared to approach these situations can make all the difference. 

Unsolicited parenting critiques

Maybe it’s a relative questioning why you’re still breastfeeding, commenting on potty training timelines, or remarking on the use of a pacifier. Hearing these uninvited opinions can feel frustrating and even dismissive of your parenting choices.

Tips and scripts

Stay calm and confident in your choices. You don’t owe anyone a detailed explanation– your choices are valid.  A simple and direct response can show you’re secure in your decision without further conversation. Try saying, “We’ve found what works for our family, and we’re happy with it.” Or, “We have thought about it, and we are working on our own timeline.” Or, "I appreciate your input. We’ve put a lot of thought into what works best for our family, and we’re confident in our approach." Or, "I can see why you think that. We’re doing things differently, but thank you for caring." What you choose to say can also reflect your relationship or personality. Sometimes, humor like “We’re running a ‘trial and error’ parenting experiment over here—stay tuned for results in about 18 years!" Remember, so much of how you respond can depend on other factors that impact the relationship with that person.

Pushing sweets

The holidays are full of sweets, and while enjoying the season is part of the fun, some family members might push boundaries by insisting on ‘just one more cookie.’

Tips and scripts

Redirect the conversation kindly but firmly, keeping your preferences in mind. You have likely thought about the amount of sweets you're comfortable with your children having. Try saying, “They’ll enjoy more later, but right now, we are taking a break.” Or, consider last week’s newsletter, and encourage your child to decide how much they want, “If you would like some pie, you can have it with your dinner and you can decide how much you’d like.”

Overstepping physical boundaries

Encouraging a child to give hugs or kisses, even to close relatives, can feel uncomfortable if your child isn’t ready or doesn’t want to.

Tips and scripts

Empower your child to choose how they want to express affection, showing that their comfort matters. This reinforces that their comfort and consent matter. Try saying, “We’re teaching them to choose how they want to show affection. A high-five or a wave is great, too.” Or "It looks like [Child’s Name] isn’t feeling like hugs right now. How about a high-five or a wave instead?" Or "We’re so proud of [Child’s Name] for learning to set boundaries. It’s important they know it’s okay to say no to hugs or kisses." It’s important to celebrate your child’s autonomy and model it as well.

Comments about your child’s behavior

Relatives might make remarks about tantrums or other behaviors, comparing your child to others or questioning their development. 

Tips and scripts

Gently remind others that every child develops differently while staying supportive of your child’s progress. Try saying, “They’re growing in their own time, and we’re proud of their progress.” Or, “We’re working through some big emotions in a way that works best for them.” Or, "They’re still learning, just like we all did at that age.” Or "Kids are constantly learning and we feel really happy with how we’re raising him.” Or “I appreciate your concern, but we know what [Child’s Name] needs.” For a personal story regarding this issue during a past holiday, listen to this podcast episode on Judgement.

Critiques about eating volume or items

Comments like, “Do they really need to eat all that sugar?” can quickly take the joy out of enjoying holiday meals.

Tips and scripts

Frame the conversation around balance and enjoying the holiday season without judgment. Try saying, “We focus on balance during the holidays. They’re enjoying this just as much as we are!” Or “We’re letting [Child’s Name] listen to their body—it’s amazing how kids know when they’re hungry or full." Or “Thanks for noticing! We’ve got it under control and are happy with their progress." Or "We’re teaching [Child’s Name] to trust their hunger cues. It’s important for them to decide how much they eat." Or "Their appetite changes daily for their interests, and that’s totally normal. We’re making sure they’re getting what they need." Or "Thanks for your concern, but we’re working with [Child’s Name] in a way that works best for them."

Disregard for your routines

“Well, let them stay up– it’s the holidays!” While some flexibility is fine, you know how much your child can handle before it impacts their mood or energy.

Tips and scripts

Stick to routines that work for your family. You know your child best. Try saying, “We’ve found they really enjoy the holidays most when they stick to their bedtime.” Or, “We’re keeping their routine tonight, so tomorrow’s easier for everyone.” Or, "It’s not inflexibility; it’s self-preservation. Have you met a kid who skips sleep? It’s not pretty!" Or, "I know it might seem inflexible, but we’ve learned the hard way that keeping routines makes for much happier kids—and us." Or "They’re little now, and routines are their anchor. As they grow, we’ll have more flexibility, but for now, we stick with what works." Or "Thanks for understanding—it might not seem like a big deal, but routines are critical for us right now." Or, a little humor, "If you’re volunteering to handle tomorrow’s cranky kids, we’ll happily let them stay up late tonight!"

Critiques about your child’s appearance

Comments like “Wow, they’re so small for their age!” or “They’ve grown so much– they’re huge!” might be well-meaning but can still feel uncomfortable.

Tips and scripts

Shift the focus to something positive and meaningful about your child beyond appearance. Try saying, “We’re so proud of how much they’re learning and exploring these days.” Or, “They’re growing exactly as they’re meant to!” Or, "We like to focus on how [Child's Name] feels, not just how they look. What matters most is how kind, smart, and creative they are." Or, "I think [Child's Name] is doing great just the way they are. What’s most important is how they treat others and how they feel about themselves." Or what I’ve said when people negatively comment on how petite my kids are, “They are just like we were when we were kids, and they’re healthy, funny, and so loving.”

What’s most important? Maintaining the boundaries that work for your family

Setting boundaries during the holidays can be challenging, especially when dealing with family members who may not respect them. However, it’s a crucial step in creating a season filled with joy, connection, and emotional well-being. By standing firm in your values and navigating difficult moments with confidence and kindness, you’re not only protecting your peace but also modeling healthy relationships and respect for your children.

On The PDT Podcast

Did you know while hospitalization is uncommon, respiratory syncytial virus (RSV) is the leading cause of hospitalization for babies under 1? RSV season is typically fall – spring but can vary by local areas and today I’m sharing about a preventative antibody which can help protect against severe RSV lung infections. I’m joined by Shawn Johnson East and Dr. Natalie Barnett, Vice President of Clinical Research at Nanit, to discuss the importance of RSV protection for babies. They share personal experiences, including Shawn’s family’s journey with RSV, and offer expert insights on how parents can help protect their little ones during RSV season.

They join me to discuss:

• How RSV is common and can be a serious virus for infants.

• Beyfortus (nirsevimab-alip) 50mg and 100mg Injection, a preventative antibody that helps give babies an extra layer of protection against severe RSV lung infection for babies under age 1 born during or entering their first RSV season and certain kids up to 24 months. Your child should not take Beyfortus if your child has a history of serious allergic reactions to nirsevimab-alip or any of the ingredients in Beyfortus. Beyfortus may not protect all children.

• That parenting can be scary but navigating the journey with monitors like Nanit, and knowledge of prevention measures for RSV can be empowering.

On The PDT YouTube

I explore key lessons from Inside Out 2, which teaches kids and parents the importance of embracing all emotions for emotional intelligence and growth.

Ask Dr. Mona

An opportunity for YOU to ask Dr. Mona your parenting questions!

Dr. Mona will answer these questions in a future Sunday Morning Q&A email. Chances are if you have a parenting concern or question, another parent can relate. So let's figure this out together!