Tackling Bedtime Battles

There’s nothing like putting your child to bed after a long day and finally getting a moment to yourself. But just when you think it’s time to relax, your toddler starts pulling out every stalling tactic in the book– “I need more water!” or “Just one more story!” These constant requests can make bedtime feel endless, especially when everyone’s exhausted. Sound familiar? You’re not alone– many parents have reached out to PedsDocTalk asking for tips to help with this exact situation.

So, how can you stay ahead of these bedtime battles?

Try out these proven tips to prevent power struggles and make bedtime smoother.

Why does bedtime stalling happen?

Bedtime battles often start after age 2 ½ (though they can happen sooner) as toddlers become more aware of their choices and opinions. This is a key developmental milestone, as they begin to assert their independence. Naturally, this newfound autonomy often leads to resistance at bedtime– after all, who wants to sleep when there are so many fun things to learn?

As a caregiver, it’s important to understand this phase while maintaining one crucial boundary: sleep. Adequate sleep is essential to your child’s development and well-being, making bedtime a non-negotiable part of the day. While your toddler may not want to go to bed, it doesn’t mean they don’t need to– and allowing them to push bedtime only makes it harder for them to settle in future nights.

Stick to a consistent schedule

One of the most important ways to combat bedtime stalling is by sticking to a consistent schedule. Toddlers thrive on predictability, and their internal clock will adjust to the routine you set. Aim for a bedtime between 7 and 9 p.m., with 9 p.m. being the latest.

Once you’ve determined the ideal bedtime, follow through on it every night. Your toddler may resist, but staying consistent with this boundary will teach them that bedtime is non-negotiable. Consistency helps toddlers know what to expect, which helps to reduce anxiety and power struggles at bedtime.

Keep the routine short and predictable

Consistency doesn’t just apply to timing– it’s crucial for the bedtime routine, too. Whether it’s bath, brush, books, bed or a different routine, the key is to keep it the same every night. This predictability helps your toddler feel secure and understand what’s coming next.

Don’t be afraid to shorten specific activities if you’re running behind schedule. For example, a 15-minute bath can be shortened to 5 minutes without disrupting the overall routine. Just make sure you remain calm and don’t seem rushed, as toddlers will pick up on your frustration and may stall even more.

Responding to common bedtime excuses

As bedtime approaches, your toddler may come up with all kinds of creative excuses to stay awake. Knowing how to respond calmly yet firmly will help reduce the power struggles. Here are some common excuses and quick responses to help you keep things on track:

If they’ve already had their final sip of water or made their last bathroom trip, calmly repeat the boundary: “We already had water. Now it’s time for sleep.” Acknowledging their feelings while holding firm on the limit sets a consistent tone that helps minimize future stalling.

Maintain your boundary and stay calm

Setting clear boundaries is essential, but it’s just as important to stay calm when your child pushes back. Toddlers test limits– if you’re inconsistent, they’ll keep pushing. It’s easy to get frustrated, especially when you’re tired, but showing your frustration can turn bedtime into a power struggle. One of the biggest mistakes parents make is getting caught up in the rise– responding with frustration or urgency, which only causes toddlers to dig their heels in even more.

We realized with Ryaan that the key was not joining in on his frustration. If we got upset or frustrated, it would only prolong the bedtime battle. Staying calm and composed helped us avoid escalating the situation and kept bedtime from becoming a power struggle.

Instead, try to remain composed and avoid escalating the situation. If your child starts to resist, calmly repeat the boundary: “It’s bedtime now. Do you want to walk to bed, or do you want me to carry you?”

If your child starts crying or becomes upset, it’s natural to feel frustrated or guilty, but try to stay calm and continue to maintain the boundary. Acknowledge their feelings without giving in: “I know youre upset, but it’s time for bed.” Let them know you’re there for them, but that the boundary remains. Here are a few scripts to keep in mind:

These gentle, but firm responses reassure your child that their feelings are valid, but bedtime is a non-negotiable boundary. By consistently maintaining your boundaries and not giving in to every request, your child will learn that bedtime is final, and their behavior or tactics are unlikely to change the outcome.

Offer choices to empower your child

While bedtime is a non-negotiable boundary, offering your toddler small choices can help them feel more in control and limit the power struggles. This is especially helpful between the ages of 2.5 and 3.5, when children are strong-willed and eager to assert their independence.

When Ryaan was around this age, he didn’t want to do anything he didn’t feel like doing, especially going to bed. What really helped us was giving him choices and keeping things playful. By staying light-hearted and saying things like, “I bet I can beat you down the hallway!” or, “I’m going to get to the bed first!” we avoided tension and kept bedtime more fun. This made him more agreeable without feeling like he was losing control.

Offering small choices– like “Do you want this stuffed animal or that one?” or “Do you want to walk or should I carry you?” – helped give Ryaan a sense of control without changing the fact that it was bedtime. The key was offering limited, direct options that kept him engaged and feeling involved in the routine. It’s best to stick to two choices, as offering too many options can overwhelm a toddler. If they have trouble deciding or refuse to choose, you can step in and make the choice for them to keep the routine moving. For instance, you could say, “Since you didn’t choose, I’ll pick for you this time. Tomorrow, you can choose again.” This approach helps keep bedtime on track without turning into a power struggle.

Why are choices helpful? At this age, toddlers want to assert their independence, but often feel frustrated because they don’t have control over big decisions, like when they go to sleep. By offering small, manageable choices, you give them a sense of ownership in the process. It feels to them like they have control over the situation– even though you’re the one guiding it. This shift in perception is powerful. When a child feels like the bedtime decisions are partly theirs, they’re less likely to resist.

Want to see these tips in action?

Remember, this stage won’t last forever, but giving your child some control during this phase can make bedtime feel less like a battle and more like a cooperative routine. Over time, they’ll need these strategies less, but for now, offering choices can make bedtime smoother for everyone.

Check out these tips in action—watch the PedsDocTalk YouTube video, where I share personal experiences with my son and show how we’ve managed bedtime battles.

On The Podcast

What does your Pediatrician ACTUALLY know? It seems on social media, this is the narrative: “They have no education on lactation!” “They make money if they vaccinate our kids!” “They know nothing about nutrition.” “They know nothing about child safety!” “And why do they keep asking how my child is sleeping??!” I welcome Dr. Krupa Playforth, fellow pediatrician and mom and owner of her own practice to hash out all of these things and separate fact from fiction. We discuss:

• What pediatricians really know from our training about lactation, car seat education, sleep, and nutrition

• Why your pediatrician cares about your child’s sleep

• Misconceptions about pediatricians, especially on social media (*ahem* We don’t get paid by big pharma to push vaccines)

On YouTube

#PhilipsPartner In partnership with @PhilipsAvent, this video highlights my top tips for bottle refusal. This video features Philips Avent products including Philips Avent Natural bottle with Natural Response nipple and Philips Avent Anti-Colic Bottle with AirFree Vent. #ShareTheCare

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