Teaching Your Child About Frustration

Frustration is a healthy human emotion. When your child is frustrated, it’s important to teach them how to cope with this feeling, just like feeling sad, upset, or happy. The ability to cope with frustration is commonly referred to as frustration tolerance.

Teaching children how to effectively manage frustration equips them with essential skills for resilience and perseverance. Frustration tolerance in children is a crucial aspect of their emotional development, shaping their ability to cope with challenges, setbacks, and disappointments throughout life. 

So, how can you help teach your child about frustration tolerance?

Model the behavior you want to see

One of the most impactful ways to instill frustration tolerance in children is through modeling. Children learn by observing the behavior of adults around them. They are learning before they can verbally communicate their feelings and needs. It’s important for parents and caregivers to demonstrate healthy ways of dealing with frustration in their own lives. 

Ask yourself, “How do I most often respond when I’m frustrated?”

You might find that when you are frustrated, you get upset –a common feeling associated with frustration. Reflect upon how you process and respond to frustration. Then, focus on leading by example.

When you remain calm, patient, and resilient during frustration and challenges, you provide a powerful example for your child.

Give space and autonomy

Give your child a moment or two to figure it out independently. Resist the temptation to intervene immediately. Remember to give them enough time– waiting for them to figure it out can be hard, but it’s worth it. You know your child best and know how much time you can give them.

No one wants to see their child struggle, but you’re giving them the opportunity to accomplish what they can independently. Allowing your child to engage in age-appropriate challenges and activities that may initially lead to frustration, such as puzzles, sports, or learning a new skill provides valuable learning experiences. This fosters independence and self-reliance.

It’s key to verbalize and empathize with their frustration. Verbalizing can help teach them about their emotions. For example, “I see you’re feeling frustrated. I get frustrated sometimes too.” Labeling and validating the feeling is a helpful starting point. They will begin to realize when they’re frustrated and learn how to manage their frustration.

When you pause before intervening or immediately jumping in to help, you are also conveying that you trust they can do it themself. This helps to boost their confidence. Encourage them to continue trying and offer praise for their efforts. For example, “Let me see what you can do first. I think you can do it!”

Offer help and intervene if needed

Sometimes, your child will need help, and you want them to know you will be there for them. You can remind them by saying, “If you need me, I’m here for you.” After you give them an opportunity to try, you can offer help. Remember to get down on their level so they know you are meeting them where they are and you are on the same team. This is a valuable learning opportunity.

When offering help, try to guide your child through it with a step-by-step approach. “First, move your hands to the side. Then, do you remember what to do next?”

If it’s an activity that is new to them, you can offer to demonstrate. “Do you want me to show you? Then you can try.” Remember to talk through the steps so they can fully understand what you are doing when you show them. For children learning to talk, this approach promotes language development and communication.

Teaching your child that it is okay to ask for help when needed reinforces the idea that seeking assistance is a sign of strength, not weakness. It helps them to understand their capabilities and build confidence in what they know and don’t know.

On The Podcast

Sleep apnea and ADHD can greatly impact sleep but are often not discussed when discussing a sleep quality evaluation. In this episode, I welcome back Dr. Shelby Harris, a licensed clinical psychologist who is board-certified and specializes in behavioral sleep medicine.

We discuss:

• How sleep apnea and ADHD affect your child’s sleep and behavior

• When to be concerned about your child’s sleep

• Is it parenting or something more?

On YouTube

In this video, I bring the vibe of my podcast to YouTube and share 5 things I wish every new mom would know BEFORE they become a mom.

This video is in partnership with @coterie. To check out their faster-wicking, highly absorbent diaper visit coterie.com and use code DRMONA20 for 20% off for new customers.

Ask Dr. Mona

An opportunity for YOU to ask Dr. Mona your parenting questions!

Dr. Mona will answer these questions in a future Sunday Morning Q&A email. Chances are if you have a parenting concern or question, another parent can relate. So let's figure this out together!