The Bounce House and the Line Between Roughhousing and Bullying

I got a mid-day call from camp.

If you’re a parent, you know that feeling. Your heart jumps. You brace yourself. Is he sick? Did he throw up? Break an arm?

The camp organizer’s voice comes through the phone.
“Hi… Ryaan is okay.”
Phew. Okay.
“But we need to tell you about an incident.”

My stomach tightened again.

She explained that during bounce house time, Ryaan and a few other boys were playing tag. Ryaan tagged a boy out and that boy didn’t like it. He pinned Ryaan down. Then, another boy came over and tried to pull Ryaan’s pants down.

I sat in silence. Horrified.

I’ve heard the phrase “boys will be boys.” I know kids roughhouse. But this felt like more than that.

Pinning him down? Maybe.
Trying to take off his pants? That’s a violation.

I asked how Ryaan was doing. She told me he was okay and currently at lunch. I thanked her for calling but made it clear how concerning the situation was and she also agreed. I also asked if they planned to speak to the other children’s parents. She said they would after they spoke with me.

I appreciated the transparency, but my mind was racing. I told my husband and broke down. It’s gutting to hear that your child was in a vulnerable situation and you couldn’t be there. That someone hurt or humiliated them. I cried.

We agreed not to make it a dramatic thing when we picked him up. No interrogation, no intensity. Just presence. Just safety.

My husband did the usual pickup. Ryaan was in good spirits, bubbly as ever.

Later, at home, I was scrolling through photos from the week the camp sent us. Ryaan sat beside me, eating a snack. I showed him the pictures, like I always do, and casually asked: “So, who’s who in this picture.”

He named all his peers and passed over the names he forgot. 

“Which of your camp classmates are kind to you?”
“Who do you like playing with?”

He rattled off a few names.

Then I paused.
“Does anyone ever do unkind things to you?”

He stopped mid-bite. Then told me the story.

“Mom, dad. You will not believe what happened today. I have to tell you.” (this kid has the animation and storytelling of his mom). 

Almost word for word, it matched what the teacher described. He even named the boys involved. His eyes looked unsure, like he wasn’t quite sure how big of a deal this was. He even snickered.

As he told the story, I thought…maybe this was all playful. A Joke, and he was okay. 

But then, I asked him the most important question:
“How did you feel when that happened? Was it fun or did you not like it?”

He looked at us and said, “I didn’t like it.”

Was this bullying? Or just mean behavior?

There’s a difference. Mean behavior might be a one-off: someone says something hurtful or roughhouses too hard. 

Bullying involves a power imbalance, repeated behavior, or intent to harm.

This incident sat in a gray zone for me (more of kids learning boundaries), but trying to pull down someone’s pants isn’t just a joke gone too far. It’s a violation of body autonomy, and it deserves to be taken seriously, whether it happens once or more than once.

We told him how proud we were that he told us. That he can always talk to us. That his body is his. No one gets to touch it, pin it down, or try to take off his clothes.

We explained that if anything like that ever happens again, he can protect his body by kicking or putting his arms up, get out, and ask for help. Not to hurt back, but to get safe.

We also talked about what not to do to other kids. That if someone ever tells him to pin someone else down or pull their pants or “play a joke,” he can say no. Because that’s not a joke. That’s not kind. That’s not safe. 

These conversations are hard. But they matter.

Not sure how to start those conversations?

What to Say When Your Child Is Bullied

What to Say If Your Child Hurts Someone Else

These simple scripts can open the door to powerful growth for your child and for you.

That bounce house moment shocked me. Because these were kids not even in kindergarten yet. But sadly, this is when it begins.

For those wondering, I chose not to reach out to the parents of the other children. I trusted the school to handle that part and believed in giving space for learning and remediation. We never received a direct apology from them but the following week, there were no further issues. Not with those boys, not with others.

Still, I followed up with the camp. I made it clear that if anything like this happened again with the same kids, we’d need a larger conversation with faculty and parents to ensure safety and accountability.

What to say when something doesn’t feel right

If you’re wondering how to talk to young kids about body safety or what to do when something doesn’t sit right, here’s what I’d say:

1. Start the conversation early.
   Even at 4 or 5, kids understand kindness, personal space, and what feels right versus wrong.

2. Ask questions that open doors.
   Skip labels like “bad” and instead try:
   “Has anyone ever done something that didn’t feel good to you?” or
   “Did anything happen today that made your body feel uncomfortable or confused?”

3. Focus on feelings and body cues.
   You don’t need to label things as bullying or mean, but focus on their feelings and cues. 

4. Reinforce their right to say no.
   Even in play, even with friends-they’re always allowed to say no to things that make them uncomfortable. And they need to know you’ll back them up.

5. Partner with schools-but speak up when needed.
   Support teachers in guiding kids. But don’t hesitate to advocate if something crosses the line. Calm, clear follow-up builds trust and accountability.

Kids can be mean. And while this may not have been bullying in the classic sense, it was still a clear violation of personal boundaries. I believe we can teach children to respect others' space and curb future harmful behaviors, especially if they’re repeated. And I truly believe we reduce these incidents not just through school rules or consequences, but through the conversations we have at home. The ones we have before it happens. And the ones we absolutely must have after.

We may not be able to prevent every instance, but what matters just as much, if not more, is how we respond. As parents, our job isn’t only to protect the child who’s been hurt. It’s also to take responsibility if our child is the one doing the hurting.

Both roles require courage, reflection, and action.

This isn’t just about one child or one family. It’s a collective responsibility. We all play a part in creating environments where kindness is the norm, safety is the baseline, and accountability is expected.

Had the tables been turned, and Ryaan was the one pinning a child down or trying to take off someone’s pants, I would want to know. And I would take action. Because as a parent, it’s not just my job to protect my child. It’s also my job to hold him accountable.

We often focus on the child who’s been hurt, and yes, that’s critical. But we can’t forget the kids who cause harm, intentionally or not. They need support too. They need redirection. They need to learn empathy before patterns set in. It’s not about punishment. It’s about teaching better choices.

And that starts with us. As parents, we have a collective responsibility not to brush these things under the rug. Not to write it off as “kids being kids.”

When we take these moments seriously, when we hold space, ask questions, and show up, we plant seeds that shape how our children treat others and themselves.

This experience reminded me how vulnerable our kids are, but also how strong and wise they can be when we lead with connection and guide with consistency.

Thanks for reading.

If this resonated, I’d love for you to screenshot it, share it to your stories, and tag me @pedsdoctalk. I always appreciate hearing your thoughts.

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On The Podcast

If you’ve ever assumed that being near your child at the pool meant they were safe, this episode might just change the way you see water forever. I’m joined by Lindsay Mondick, Director of Aquatic Safety for the YMCA of the USA and a lifelong advocate for drowning prevention. We talk about what drowning really looks like (spoiler: it’s not like the movies), why so many tragic incidents happen with adults present, and how something as simple as putting your phone down can be the difference between life and death.

She joins me to discuss:

• Why drowning is quick, silent, and often missed even with supervision nearby

• The “Phones Down, Eyes Up” campaign and what every caregiver needs to know

• How to build layers of water safety from swim lessons to life jackets to water watchers

You’ve probably seen it: your toddler pretending to cook after watching you in the kitchen, or mimicking your sighs after a long day. It’s not just cute, it’s neuroscience. In this powerful follow-up episode, Dr. Mona sits down with educator Chris Lake to unpack mirror neurons, the brain’s fascinating mechanism for learning through observation.

Together, they explore how these neurons shape everything from crawling and speech to empathy and emotional regulation and how everyday moments of modeling can support your child’s development more than any app ever could.

On YouTube

I share 6 simple ways to support a baby’s motor skills, from tummy time to crawling, without stress, pressure, or fancy gear. The video covers:

• The natural progression of motor skills

• Start tummy time early and often

• Prioritize floor play over containers

• Let baby struggle for a little

• Ditch the sit-in walker and use a push toy

• Use social and cognitive play to support movement

Ask Dr. Mona

An opportunity for YOU to ask Dr. Mona your parenting questions!

Dr. Mona will answer these questions in a future Sunday Morning Q&A email. Chances are if you have a parenting concern or question, another parent can relate. So let's figure this out together!