The Boundaries You Need Most Right Now

The holidays can be magical, but they can also come with a side of stress no parent signed up for. Between the gatherings, the travel, and the family dynamics, many parents tell me the hardest part isn’t the logistics. It’s the comments, questions, and opinions that show up the minute you take off your coat.

Maybe someone critiques your parenting choices.
Maybe they push food or affection when your child is clearly overwhelmed.
Maybe they question your routines or raise an eyebrow at your child’s behavior.

You want to protect your child and stand up for what works for your family, without starting conflict or creating awkwardness. If that’s you, you’re in good company. This comes up every single year in the PDT community, and you’re not imagining it. This season has a way of poking at every parenting insecurity you thought you’d already worked through.

But here’s the grounding truth: boundaries are about emotional safety, not rigidity.

It’s modeling self-respect.
It’s teaching your child what their voice sounds like.
It’s reminding others that your parenting choices deserve respect.

Here are the five boundaries that tend to get pushed this time of year, and how you can respond while keeping the peace.

When people critique your parenting

There’s something about family gatherings that can bring out opinions you never asked for. It might be a comment about how long you’re breastfeeding, why your child isn’t potty trained yet, or how you handle tantrums. Sometimes it’s subtle, sometimes it’s direct. Either way, it lands the same: uncomfortable.

It can stir up defensiveness, but you don’t owe anyone a full explanation. A calm, short line gets the point across without inviting a debate.

You can try:

And if you need to add a little humor to deflect:

These calm, clear responses protect your peace and help you stay grounded in what matters most. They show your child what it looks like to stand firm in your values without letting someone else’s opinions shake your confidence. And even if you don’t feel confident yet, your child sees your effort, and practicing these boundaries shows your child what growth looks like.

When people push food or sweets

Food pressure is everywhere this season. Someone offers one more cookie. Someone encourages a clean plate when your child is clearly done. Someone comments on how much they ate or didn’t eat.

Most of the time, it’s well-meaning. But even so, you’re still allowed to hold the boundary that feels right for your child. You’ve likely already put thought into how you approach sweets, balance, and body cues, and you don’t need to justify those decisions.

A simple, steady line is enough.

You can try:

And remember, this isn’t about being rigid with food. It’s about protecting a moment that can get overwhelming for kids, especially when multiple adults are offering treats, commenting on what they’re eating, or encouraging “one more.” Holding this boundary helps you stay connected to what you know about your child, and it keeps the focus on comfort, balance, and enjoying the day together.

It also teaches kids something powerful. They learn that food is not a performance. They don’t have to eat to please someone or avoid hurting feelings. They get to listen to their body. And you get to model a healthy, steady relationship with food in a season where that message often gets lost.

When people overstep physical boundaries

Hugs, kisses, sitting on laps…these things can feel sweet to adults, but for kids, it’s all about comfort and consent. And this time of year, the pressure to show affection can ramp up fast.

Even when it comes from love, it can still put kids in a tough spot. As the parent, you get to step in.

Short and kind works best.

When you step in and make space for your child to decide how they want to give affection, you’re reinforcing that their comfort matters and that their body belongs to them. That message sticks with kids in ways we often don’t realize in the moment. And the more consistently they see you hold this boundary, the more natural it becomes for everyone around you to respect it too.

You’re also giving extended family a gentle cue about how things work in your home. Kids don’t need to perform affection like a holiday tradition. They get to warm up at their own pace, and you’re guiding everyone toward a version of connection that actually feels good.

When people comment on your child’s behavior or appearance

Comments about how big, small, shy, spirited, or emotional a child is can land harder than people expect. Even if the intent is harmless, it can still feel like a spotlight you didn’t ask for.

And milestone comments (“Shouldn’t they be doing…?”) can add an extra layer of pressure you never asked for.

You don’t have to correct or explain. A simple redirection is enough to shift the focus to what actually matters.

You can try:

These short responses help move the conversation away from comparison and back toward what truly matters: your child’s emotional world, their strengths, and the person they’re becoming. And by stepping in like this, you’re protecting your child from feeling picked apart in moments that should feel safe. You’re also giving yourself permission to let go of comments that don’t deserve your energy, which makes it easier to stay grounded in what you know is true about your child.

When people disregard your routines

Routines get pushed a lot this season. Maybe someone encourages a late bedtime or downplays a nap your child really needs. Maybe they say it’s a special occasion the moment you try to stick to the rhythm that keeps your child steady.

And while flexibility can be part of the fun, you also know your child’s limits better than anyone.

You can hold the routine that helps your child enjoy the day, not unravel from it.

You can try:

Or when humor feels right:

Holding this boundary isn’t about being strict. It’s about knowing how quickly things can unravel when kids get overtired or overstimulated. You’re the one who sees the full picture, not just the fun moment happening right now. Sticking to what works for your child isn’t rigid…it’s protective. And honestly, it often makes the entire day smoother for everyone involved, including you.

A note for you

Setting boundaries this time of year isn’t always easy, but it’s one of the most meaningful ways to protect your family’s well-being. You’re not being too much. You’re being thoughtful. You’re choosing what helps your child feel secure and respected, and that matters more than most people realize.

And if you walk away wondering if you handled something the right way, you’re not alone. That is a normal part of parenting around extended family. What matters most is that you showed up for your child and for yourself in a moment that needed clarity.

Each time you hold a boundary, you’re building a safer emotional world for your child. You’re showing them that their comfort matters. And you’re teaching them, through your actions, that they can speak up when something doesn’t feel right.

The more you practice these boundaries, the more natural they become. Not just for you, but for everyone around you. These moments add up. You’re shaping a family culture rooted in respect, safety, and connection.

On The Podcast

What does it look like to raise kids who believe they belong in science, who feel confident speaking up, and who see women as leaders in fields that have long pushed them out?

I first came across Emily Calandrelli’s work years ago on social media, and her mix of joy, honesty, and curiosity pulled me in immediately. Her voice reminded me that advocacy doesn’t have to be loud to be powerful and that our kids are always watching how we chase our own dreams. She is now one of my favorite examples of what it means to model confidence and curiosity for the next generation.

On today’s episode, Emily and I talk about finding her way in a male-dominated STEM world, what she learned from losing her Netflix show, and how creating her own YouTube series changed everything. She also shares the story behind her viral TSA moment, how it sparked federal legislation, and what it meant to finally launch into space after dreaming about it for two decades.

In this follow-up episode, we revisit one of the most loved ideas on the show, because parents tell me again and again that it changed the way they show up for their kids. We’re talking about the Independence Before Intervention principle, a simple shift that helps kids build confidence, resilience, and trust in themselves while still knowing we’re right there when they need us.

Inspired by watching her own kids obsess over the transformation of caterpillars, Dr. Mona explores how struggle is a natural and necessary part of growth. Babies, toddlers, big kids, even adults, all move through moments that feel tough. The goal isn’t to remove every frustration. It’s to help kids see that effort isn’t failure and that they’re safe trying, adjusting, and trying again.

On YouTube

In this video, I break down how baby sign language really works and why it can help your baby communicate long before words come in. I walk you through the most useful first signs, the myths I hear all the time in pediatrics, and the simple ways to fit signing into your daily routine without stress. My goal is to help you understand your baby’s cues, cut down on frustration, and build even more connection in those early months.

Ask Dr. Mona

An opportunity for YOU to ask Dr. Mona your parenting questions!

Dr. Mona will answer these questions in a future Sunday Morning Q&A email. Chances are if you have a parenting concern or question, another parent can relate. So let's figure this out together!