When you say “crunchy mom,” the average person thinks of a certain way of living – one that involves cloth diapers, essential oils, and maybe a sourdough starter sitting on the counter (hello millennials).

But after having spent years in pediatrics, I think of someone different. Sometimes it's a parent who trusts medicine but prefers a lower-intervention approach, fewer medications when they're not necessary, and lifestyle-based options when they make sense. And sometimes it's someone who has felt ignored or ashamed by the health care system and has come to the conclusion that she can no longer trust it. For that second group, something often happened before the trust was lost. And in many cases, it happened in an examination room or a delivery room.

This is why I wanted to speak to Caitlyn Schollmeier, the founder of Lila Maternity and a certified midwife.  She has 4 children and has experienced both a high-risk pregnancy and a VBAC.  Although she practices evidence-based medicine, she also genuinely respects holistic care.  She occupies the precise middle ground that many parents are seeking

The United States has the highest mortality rate of all high-income countries.  Behind that figure are parents who have felt ignored or traumatized as a result of their deliveries.  It is entirely reasonable to want change, and that desire might be the most rational aspect of the entire movement.

Caitlyn and I discuss why this movement is having such a strong impact at the moment.  Likely because parents are not receiving enough time and open conversations without any sense of shame.  The things that parents are asking for are not many; they just want to be taken seriously.

Getting through a difficult birth can be a healing experience if you are able to find a community that confirms and validates you. However, in some groups, one fear is gradually replaced by another, and a parent who joins in search of support may end up believing that every doctor and every hospital is out to get her family.  In this episode, we discuss how to tell whether a community is one that supports you or one that isolates you.

We also discuss the mistakes that providers make when dealing with misinformation.  Although fact-checking and publicly shaming may seem satisfying, shame has never managed to get a single parent back to the table.  Caitlyn explains what she believes to be more effective.

We discuss many topics: risk tolerance and the reason why two families who care deeply about their children can look at the same information and still end up making different decisions, what to do when you realize that your fear is influencing your choices, how Caitlyn manages that balance between her holistic views and evidence-based practice, and the one change she would like to see within the healthcare system and in online parenting communities.  I also give my own view on what is currently happening in healthcare that is causing families to move towards the extremes.

If you’ve ever felt ignored by the medical system or have seen a loved one go from having reasonable questions to developing distrust, give this episode a listen.

You can listen to my full conversation with Caitlyn Schollmeier wherever you listen to podcasts.

I am so grateful that you continue to make space for these conversations. If the podcast has been helpful to you, leaving a review wherever you listen is one of the simplest ways to help more parents find the show.

And I always want to hear from you. Reply to this email and let me know what topics, questions, or conversations you would love to hear more about in future episodes.