This May Be My Favorite Parenting Style

Parenting today can feel like you’re constantly navigating through a whirlwind of trends, advice, and expectations. With so many approaches out there, it’s easy to feel like you need to pick a parenting style and stick with it. But here’s the truth: you don’t have to fit perfectly into one parenting mold. Parenting styles aren’t identities. Instead, think of these styles as tools that you can use to help guide you.

One style that has really stood out to me is Lighthouse Parenting. It strikes that ideal balance between offering guidance and giving children space to develop their own autonomy – which is why it’s become one of my favorites. I was even recently featured in an article about this style, where I shared how it aligns with my approach to parenting.

So, what exactly is Lighthouse Parenting? How does it differ from other parenting styles, like gentle or positive parenting? And why does it resonate so much with me?

What is Lighthouse Parenting?

Lighthouse Parenting, developed by Dr. Kenneth Ginsburg, is a thoughtful approach that combines both support and independence. Imagine a lighthouse – firmly rooted, shining its light across the waters, guiding ships without steering them. As parents, we are like that lighthouse, offering our children guidance and direction without needing to control their every move, trusting that we’ve prepared them to ride the waves on their own. We can remind ourselves, “I’ll remain a source of light they can seek whenever they need a safe and secure return.”

In this parenting style, the lighthouse stands strong and reliable, but it doesn’t sail the ship. Our children are the sailors, learning to navigate their own journeys, knowing they can always look back to us for guidance and support. It’s a balance between keeping them safe while allowing them to explore and grow confident in their decision-making. It’s a balance between offering autonomy and then intervening if they need our help– in theory, if they need us to guide them home. I discuss this principle of autonomy/intervention in this podcast episode and never knew there was a parenting style that embodies it until now!

Lighthouse parenting emphasizes autonomy because it encourages children to trust in their own abilities. Instead of hovering and controlling every step, it gives them the space to make mistakes, solve problems, and learn valuable lessons. But it’s not about letting go entirely. The key is to be present – ready to step in when needed – without overwhelming them with constant direction.

How Lighthouse Parenting differs from other styles

While many parenting styles emphasize compassion and connection, Lighthouse Parenting stands out because it blends supportive guidance with giving children the space to make their own choices. Many modern styles, like gentle or positive parenting, fall under the authoritative parenting umbrella, which balances warmth with structure. However, what I love about Lighthouse Parenting is how it adds an extra layer of autonomy – encouraging children to explore their independence while knowing we’re always there to help if needed.

Gentle parenting focuses on validating emotions and responding to a child’s needs with empathy, often giving children more of a voice in decisions. For example, during a meltdown in the grocery store, a gentle parent might sit down with the child, working through why they’re upset and helping to calm their nerves. Helicopter parenting, on the other hand, is more controlling – parents step in quickly to prevent any pain, mistakes, or struggles. Positive parenting emphasizes reinforcing good behavior through praise and proactive teaching but can sometimes lead parents to be more involved in problem-solving for their children.

Lighthouse Parenting encourages autonomy by giving children the tools to figure things out on their own, knowing their parents are there if needed. It allows children to show what they can do before a parent steps in. Instead of jumping in immediately, a lighthouse parent might say, “I’m here if you need me, but why don’t you give it a try first?” In the same grocery store meltdown, a lighthouse parent would validate the child’s feelings but also move things along, saying something like, “I know you’re upset, but we need to keep going now.” The child may still cry, but a lighthouse parent may not spend as much time co-regulating as a gentle parent would.

These moments build resilience, problem-solving skills, and self-reliance – whether it’s a toddler attempting to build a tower with blocks or an older child working through school challenges.

Consider a child falling at the playground:

• Lighthouse Parent: Observes from a distance, offering encouragement like, “You’ve got this! Come to me when you’re ready,” unless the child is seriously hurt. The focus is on allowing the child to recover independently.

• Helicopter Parent: Rushes over immediately, often in a panicked voice, ready to protect– even if the child is okay.

• Gentle Parent: Approaches with empathy, asking, “How are you feeling? Are you okay?” They focus on validating emotions and offering comfort.

Now think about a child losing a toy:

• Lighthouse Parent: Allows the child to experience the natural consequence, offering empathy and saying, “I’m sorry you lost your toy. Let’s look for it, but sometimes we don’t find things. What can you do next time to keep track of your things?”

• Helicopter Parent: Immediately steps in to fix the problem or replaces the toy, preventing the child from learning responsibility.

• Gentle Parent: Focuses on the emotional reaction first, saying, “I can see you’re really sad about losing your toy. Let’s figure out how we can solve this together.”

In Lighthouse Parenting, boundaries are set but without micromanaging. Parents act as steady, supportive guides, allowing their children the freedom to explore, take risks, and learn from their mistakes. This also means letting your child cope with unpleasant experiences, all while showing them that you’re available and ready to offer guidance when needed.

Why Lighthouse Parenting resonates with me

One of the main reasons Lighthouse Parenting resonates so deeply with me is the balance it strikes between being present for our children while also giving them room to grow and explore. It’s the idea that we, as parents, don’t need to be involved in every step of the journey – but we’re always there when they need us! This approach fosters resilience, confidence, and self-reliance in children, which are some of the most valuable skills they can develop.

Lighthouse Parenting teaches children to trust in their own abilities. When we give them the space to try things on their own, even if they struggle or make mistakes, we are helping them build problem-solving skills and a sense of competence. Whether it’s a toddler learning how to put on their shoes, sleep, or an older child figuring out how to make new friends, children learn that they’re capable. This is something that will carry them through school, friendships, and beyond.

Life will always throw challenges our way, and helping children learn how to navigate those ups and downs is key to their development. With Lighthouse Parenting, I love how the focus is on letting kids experience natural consequences and work through emotions without rushing to solve every problem for them. This fosters resilience– the ability to bounce back from difficulties. It teaches children that it’s okay to make mistakes and, more importantly, that they can try again.

What I appreciate most is the sense of security Lighthouse Parenting provides. Children know that even though they are encouraged to take risks and try things independently, they can always turn to us for support when needed. It’s like a safety net: children are free to explore, make decisions, and take on challenges, all while knowing that a trusted, steady light is guiding them back when they need help.

In a world where it sometimes feels like we need to hover over every part of our child’s life, Lighthouse Parenting offers a refreshing perspective. It allows us to take a step back and let our children learn, grow, and thrive while knowing that we are always there for them. For me, that’s what makes this style so powerful – it’s about finding the balance between guidance and independence. Ultimately, Lighthouse Parenting empowers children to grow into confident, independent individuals while knowing that they always have a safe place to return to. It’s the focus on independence and connection that makes this style so meaningful to me.

Tips for embracing Lighthouse Parenting

If you’re drawn to the idea of Lighthouse Parenting, here are a few simple ways to start embracing this approach:

• Be a steady presence – Like a lighthouse, your role is to provide guidance without controlling every move. Stay consistent and dependable, offering support when needed but trusting your child to navigate their own challenges. For more on being this steady presence, listen to this podcast episode about the three things every child need from the grown ups in their life.

• Step back and observe before jumping in. When your child encounters a challenge – whether it’s struggling with a puzzle or feeling frustrated about a task – pause before intervening. Give them the space to try solving it on their own. You can offer encouragement if needed, like, “I’m here if you need help,” but let them take the lead. This can help them develop critical thinking and problem-solving skills over time. We as parents need to learn the power of pausing not only during meltdowns, but for sleep, when teaching them new skills, or in many interactions.

• Allow children to experience the natural outcomes of their actions (within reason). If they forget their homework or lose a toy, resist the urge to immediately fix it. Instead, use these moments as learning opportunities, offering empathy while helping them think through how to handle similar situations in the future.

• Offer encouragement, not control. Be there to offer reassurance and support, like saying, “I’m here if you need me,” but let them try things first on their own. This builds confidence in their abilities.

• Validate feelings, but keep moving forward. Acknowledge your child’s emotions, but also guide them through difficult moments. For instance, during a meltdown, you might say, “I understand you’re upset, but we have to go.” You don’t have to over-validate. Part of life is seeing the feeling and moving through it.

Set clear boundaries, but allow freedom within them. Lighthouse Parenting is about guiding without micromanaging. Set clear, consistent boundaries (like bedtime routines), but allow your child the freedom to make decisions and explore within those limits (like choosing the book at bedtime). This gives them a sense of independence while maintaining structure – and can even help reduce power struggles.

An important reminder…

As you continue your parenting journey, remember that you don’t need to have it all figured out or fit neatly into a box. Every family and child is unique, and the beauty of Lighthouse Parenting lies in its balance – offering guidance while giving your child the room to grow into their own. You are the steady light that will always be there when they need you, and that’s what truly matters. Trust yourself, trust your children, and embrace the wonderful adventure of raising confident, resilient, and independent individuals. Together, you’re both learning how to navigate the waters of life. Keep shining!

On The Podcast

Dealing with a whiny child can be challenging, often leading parents to feel overwhelmed. I emphasize that whining is developmentally normal and a sign that your child is still learning how to communicate their emotions. Instead of giving in to the whining, which reinforces the behavior, I encourage parents to adopt strategies to encourage better communication.

I’ll discuss:

• How to recognize and understand your child’s triggers

• The need to stay calm and to remind yourself that this is a moment that can be navigated without escalating

• Tips to promote preferred communication

• The importance of consistency

On YouTube

This video highlights common pumping mistakes that can affect milk supply and comfort—and provides solutions. From using the wrong flange size to dropping a night pump too early, I’ll walk you through tips to help you on your pumping journey. Have questions? Drop them in the comment section!

Ask Dr. Mona

An opportunity for YOU to ask Dr. Mona your parenting questions!

Dr. Mona will answer these questions in a future Sunday Morning Q&A email. Chances are if you have a parenting concern or question, another parent can relate. So let's figure this out together!