If I told you that in Denmark, babies routinely nap outside in their strollers in the middle of winter, how would you react?  Your response likely has less to do with the science of sleep and more to do with where you were raised. “What about THE COLD?!” “What about safety?!” 

A few weeks ago I asked my community on Facebook and YouTube to share parenting norms from their countries that people from other countries (especially us Americanos) might find surprising.  The responses came from every continent except Antarctica (sorry penguin parents).  Around the same time, Yahoo ran a piece on parenting habits that are normal in other countries that shock Americans. So I naturally thought let’s dig in! 

I also LOVE to travel. And it’s not just the “get away from life” escape. I love my life and routine, but it’s because I love seeing new places, new people, hear different accents, and learn about culture. And part of culture involves parenting. I have been to Japan, India, Nicaragua, Mexico, Jamaica, Italy, Spain, South Africa, and so many more places and I observe how parents…parent.

I still remember going to Japan pre-kids myself and seeing a mom handle her child’s meltdown in public. Calm, neutral face. Not an exaggerated reaction. Kneeled down for a second and then waited it out. Her facial expression of calm was what interested me most. And then in India, visiting local villages in my teens and seeing all the mattresses on the floor. Do we really think they’re all sleeping separately or did you know that bed-sharing is extremely common and a large reason is because of space. Entire families sleep in the same bed on the floor or the kids share one. 

We all carry ideas about what kids “should” do that feel obvious to us.  How they sleep, what they eat, how independent they should be and when, how much family should be involved in child-rearing, and even what counts as respect.  These feel obvious because they are what we grew up around. Then you spend just a few minutes with parents from another culture, and you realize how much the parenting rulebook differs by geography.

Here is a sample of what was shared through our PedsDocTalk community:

Sleep.

Parents in Denmark, Finland, and Lithuania talked about babies napping outside in prams year-round even at temperatures that would get schools closed in America.  Meanwhile, families from Romania, Italy, Japan, the Philippines, Mexico, Belize, South Africa and Kenya described cosleeping as “simply how sleep works,” sometimes even into the school years.

Food.

Norwegian babies drink from open cups and live on porridge.  Swedish parents are advised to limit spinach before age one because of nitrates.  In India, babies start getting introduced spice at lower levels and many can tolerate moderate levels in childhood. In most European countries, the kids eat what the adults eat and there’s no such thing as “kid food,” that is more common in America. They do have kid menus but it usually consists of smaller portions of what exists on the regular menu. (We seriously need this in the states!). In Spain, mealtimes happen much later when most American kids are already snoozing. This reflects a later lifestyle. 

Independence.

German kids ride trains and buses alone at ages that would prompt a concerned phone call in America.  Czech kids also travel short distances on their own as young as 5 or 6.  New Zealand parents described barefoot kids everywhere, playgrounds built for real climbing with real risk, and a general culture that treats age-appropriate risk as part of childhood rather than a liability issue.

Bedtimes.

Spain, Hungary, Quebec and Dubai all came in strong for later nights.  One follower originally from the UK who now lives in Dubai said that a 9 pm bedtime is normal in Dubai and 7 pm feels surprisingly early.

Family and postpartum.

Korea has a 100-day indoor tradition for newborns.  Bulgaria and Greece described 40-day postpartum confinement customs where family cares for the mother while she rests.  Japan offers 5-to-7-day hospital stays and subsidized postpartum care centers.  Multigenerational caregiving came up again and again, which is a sharp contrast to the American nuclear-family-does-everything model. Which, by the way is extremely problematic and a huge reason why I think American women largely suffer from postpartum mental health conditions in relationship to our international counterparts. 

Healthcare.

In Australia, New Zealand, Canada, and much of Europe, kids see family doctors and nurses for routine care, and pediatricians function more like specialists.  New Zealand well child nurses do free home visits through preschool years.  One Belgian parent reported about 12 euros per sick visit after reimbursement.  Another Canadian mom joked that her total hospital bill for birth was $6 for parking.

And the small stuff.

Canadian parents apparently experience far less stress about light-up shoes (context: think school shootings).  Norwegian babies wear wool year-round.  And Korean grandmothers monitor infant temperature with the intensity of a NASA launch team. The list goes on and on for this–and maybe I need another newsletter about cultural medical or baby traditions! 

Long before your first baby arrived, you had already absorbed thousands of messages about what a “good child” or a “good parent” looks like from how you were raised to what got praise or punishment.  Also, you absorbed what the neighbors did, what your faith community taught, and what your grandmother said with one raised eyebrow.

That is why some things can feel deeply wrong even when we cannot explain why.  You have probably heard, or said, some version of:

“I would NEVER have spoken to my parents like that.”

“In our family, kids eat what they are served.”

“Babies belong with their mothers at night.”

“A child that age should be able to do that themselves.”

Sometimes these sayings are based on evidence and child development.  Other times it’s just familiarity wearing a lab coat.

Telling the difference matters because the feelings are strong either way.  A practice that is genuinely unsafe and a practice that is simply unfamiliar can produce the same knot in your stomach.

Cultural variation deserves respect, and so do the families carrying those traditions. Culture can help us understand why a practice exists. What it cannot do, on its own, is tell us whether that practice is safe or healthy.

Discipline.

Physical punishment is culturally accepted, even expected, in much of the world. It is also now fully banned in 70 countries, and the research is consistent. A meta-analysis covering more than 160,000 children found spanking was associated with more aggression, more mental health problems, and no improvement in long-term behavior, which is why the American Academy of Pediatrics recommends against it. 

Affection.

Expecting children to hug relatives is a tradition in many families.  We can keep the warmth of this tradition while still teaching children that they get a say about their own bodies.  A high-five or a blown kiss keeps the relationship intact and teaches a child that a “no” about their body will be respected, which is something we very much want them to carry into the rest of their lives.

Respect and obedience.

Some cultures prize obedience highly, and structure and respect for adults can serve kids well.  The question is whether children are also allowed to express needs and feelings safely.  A child who complies because of fear is not the same as a child who cooperates out of trust.  I wrote more about this in a newsletter.

Feeding.

Food traditions are one of the greatest ways culture gets passed down, especially when thinking about your own children eating your great-grandmother’s recipes. At the same time, practices involving force, shame or heavy restriction deserve to be looked at no matter the tradition.  Pressure around eating can backfire and make mealtimes a power struggle instead of a connection point.

Sleep.

Bedsharing is the global norm, and I think families deserve honest information rather than judgment.  In the US, the APP recommends room-sharing without bed-sharing.  The risk is however, not evenly distributed, as sofas, soft bedding, impaired caregivers, smoking, and prematurity change the math significantly.  Some of my Australian followers mentioned that their lactation support includes harm-reduction conversations about safer bed-sharing.  I personally think this reflects a more realistic understanding of how families live.  If you want the full picture, my sleep support guide covers it, and my podcast conversation with Dr. Michael Milobsky on bed-sharing goes even deeper.

Independence.

Giving kids more freedom can build competence and confidence, but what is developmentally and physically safe still matters.  Which brings me to the piece of this conversation that I think gets skipped the most.

That German seven-year-old riding the train alone lives in a country with walkable towns, slower streets, reliable transit, and a culture of collective watchfulness where adults look out for kids who are not theirs. A child walking somewhere alone in that setting is not equivalent to a child doing it beside a six-lane highway with no sidewalk. Same practice, completely different risk.

Danish babies napping outside in strollers exist inside one of the highest social-trust societies on earth. The practice did not create the trust. The trust created the practice.

And sleep arrangements everywhere are shaped by housing, work schedules, feeding, and family structure. A Romanian parent bedsharing during two years of leave at 85 percent pay is living a different night than an American parent bedsharing out of desperation before returning to work at six weeks. 

The part that gets me is how often American parents get judged against norms from countries that give families a year of paid leave, home-visiting nurses, and affordable childcare. The US remains the only wealthy country without a national paid parental leave program, and that shapes nearly everything about how we parent, including how tired we are while doing it.

You often cannot lift one practice out of one culture, drop it into another, and expect it to work the same way. Practices travel. Contexts don't.

So when a practice is on the table, whether it came from your grandmother, your in-laws, or a Danish stroller, run it through a few questions:

Where did this belief come from? Naming the source takes some of the emotional charge out of it.

Is this a cultural preference or is there evidence behind it? Later bedtimes are a preference. Rear-facing car seats are evidence.

Is there evidence of harm? This is where corporal punishment and forced affection fail the test, no matter how traditional they are.

Is it developmentally appropriate? A practice can be harmless at seven and unrealistic at two.

Is my child safe and respected? Both words matter. Safe covers the body. Respected covers everything else.

Does it fit the values I want for my family? You are allowed to be the place where a tradition gets adapted, or where a new one begins.

And if you need permission to hold your own "normal" a little more loosely, consider it granted. What if the way you do bedtime is one good option instead of the only right one? What if the thing your in-laws do that drives you up the wall is neither wrong nor required? What if the practice you have been defending is really just the one you know best?

Traditions give children identity and a sense of belonging that no parenting book can manufacture. I do not want families to abandon where they came from.

We also do not have to preserve every practice simply because "that is how we do it." Every generation of parents has quietly done this work, keeping what served them and setting down what did not. Keeping the best of where you came from while leaving behind what does not serve your child may be one of the most loving things a parent can do, and it does not make you disloyal. It makes you a parent.

If this one resonated, forward it to a friend who was raised differently than you were. Then compare notes. I promise the conversation will be more interesting than anything on your feed today.