October is the best time to ask this question; there are skeletons on the lawns, the witch with the motion sensor is laughing at the entrance to the grocery store entrance, and many little children aren't comfortable with it all.

This month, we asked:

Before looking at the replies, let me briefly remind you that it is entirely normal for children to feel afraid, and the kind of fear they experience changes as they grow older. Newborns generally fear strangers and being separated from their parents. Toddlers are affected by loud sounds, costumes, and objects that look almost but not quite right (a description that basically applies to all the items on the Halloween aisle). Preschool children begin to develop fears based on their imagination, such as monsters and the dark, since their brains have learned to picture things that aren't actually in front of them. Whenever a new fear appears, it is a clear sign that your child's brain is doing exactly what it should be at that stage of development.

A parent mentioned that her son fears the spooky decorations found in stores and in the neighborhood, and what has been helping:

I would like to highlight all the things this parent is doing well, even if they aren't aware that they have a name. Gradual exposure happens when the decorations are seen during the day, since they then seem less frightening. Giving the child a warning before entering the store is a form of preview, and this prevents the fear from surprising him. The option of "not having to walk past them" gives him some control over how close he gets. Children cope better with scary situations when they know what's coming and have a say in how they deal with it. You are not teaching your child to avoid the fear; instead, you are helping them face it at a pace their nervous system can handle, with you by their side.

A different parent said that her 13-month-old child has regular x-rays of the hips because of hip dysplasia and is terrified of the machine, the technician, and the entire procedure. They are still trying to find out what helps:

These instincts are sound. At thirteen months of age, preparation helps, and modeling helps even more. At this stage, toddlers are always looking at our faces and our reactions to work out whether something is safe. This process is known as social referencing, which is why a parent lying calmly on the table first has a greater effect than any explanation. A few other things you could try: keep your voice low and dull during the x-ray, bring a comfort object she can have on the table, and ask the technician in advance if you can hold or touch her while she's being positioned. Most imaging departments are used to toddlers and will agree to your request if you ask. And don't be too hard on yourself. Repeated medical procedures are difficult for toddlers, and for the parents who have to hold them through them. A child who cries during every X-ray but then recovers in your arms afterward is managing it, even if it doesn't appear that way.

One parent kept it short: his son is terrified of being alone.

I'm putting this one in exactly as it came, since at certain stages you know what your fear is but haven't yet discovered what helps. This is indeed a genuine stage, and it's important to voice it. Fear of being alone is common across a wide age range, and the helpful things are generally the same as mentioned above: predictability, small amounts, and staying close by while they practice. Brief, dull separations ("I'm going to the kitchen, I'll be back before you've finished that puzzle") show their brain that being alone is something they can survive.

In the PDT community, certain fears come up again and again beyond the ones covered in this month's responses, and they follow the developmental patterns you'd expect. The most common is a fear of the dark, which usually begins around age two or three, when a child's imagination starts to develop. Children also fear dogs, even friendly ones, and costumed characters, which is why photos taken at the mall with Santa and theme-park mascots so often result in tears. Sudden loud noises such as blenders, vacuums, fireworks, and hand dryers in public bathrooms can cause fear as well. The sound of a toilet flushing, especially the loud automatic ones, scares them. Thunderstorms frighten them too, as do bugs. And for young children in preschool, monsters and "bad guys" that exist entirely in their own heads yet feel completely real to them do the same.

If your child is frightened by any of the things on the list, then you are not alone. This is what you can do to help: take the fear seriously but don't exaggerate it, let your child get used to it in small amounts, and stay calm and straightforward. Saying "That hand dryer is loud. We can use a paper towel" is more effective than saying "there's nothing to be scared of" because, in your child's eyes, there is something to be scared of, and it's important that they know you see that too.

None of these parents ignored the child's fear, and none of them made the child confront it all at once. Instead, they warned, gave previews, set examples, and stayed nearby. It is in that middle ground - between dismissing a fear and arranging one's entire life around it - that children actually learn what bravery is. Bravery doesn't mean not being scared; it means being scared and still going forward, typically in small steps and usually with you close by.

Thank you to everyone who shared this month! We'll share another Real Talk question in an upcoming Q&A newsletter.

Thank you for being part of our incredible community ❤️

Check out the PedsDocTalk monthly recap of the most-viewed and talked-about content on Instagram, YouTube, and the podcast. Take a look at what’s been catching your attention this month!

This reel shows my reaction when I found out my ferritin was three digits after being only one digit!

This reel talks about how to respond when your kids make mistakes!

I break down why coughs and cold symptoms often worse at night and share practical and safe remedies (saline, careful suctioning, cool-mist humidifiers and steam showers) to help manage congestion. I show true respiratory distress examples such as head bobbing, nasal flaring and chest retractions. I’ll walk you through critical warning signs and when to call the doctor or seek immediate medical evaluation.