When “It’s Time to Go” Doesn’t Go as Planned

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If you’ve ever had to carry a crying child out of the park, or scoop them up from the bath, the toy aisle, or a playdate, you’re not alone. Transitions can feel impossible with young kids. And sometimes, what we say in the moment (even when we’re just trying to keep things moving!) ends up making it harder.

We recently shared a reel on Instagram with some quick swaps to help these moments go more smoothly, and it clearly struck a chord. So many of you shared how helpful the tips were, dropped a 🙌 in the comments, or simply felt seen in the struggle. In this newsletter, we’re unpacking why those swaps actually work. Because behind the flailing limbs and big feelings is a growing brain that’s still learning how to shift gears, manage disappointment, and handle the end of something fun.

Why transitions are so tough for young kids

Young children live fully in the moment. So when something fun is happening, like playing at the park or splashing in the bath, they’re all in. And honestly, that’s something kind of beautiful. Their ability to be fully present is something we often try to re-learn as adults.

But when it’s time to move on, shifting gears isn’t just inconvenient…it can feel impossible.

That’s because developmentally, they’re still learning:

• Time means very little. “Five more minutes” doesn’t feel real when you don't really know what five minutes is.

• Their brains are still wiring up self-regulation. Big emotions take over fast, and they don’t yet have the tools to slow themselves down.

• Leaving something enjoyable feels like loss. They don’t have a strong sense of next time yet, so to them, it can feel like the fun is over forever.

• They crave control. Having to stop something fun, and being told to do it, can trigger power struggles quickly.

When we understand this, it’s easier to respond with strategies that meet them where they are, not with punishment or panic, but with tools that help them feel safe and supported through the transition.

Here are five ways to make those tough “time to go” moments a little smoother–for them and for you.

1. Give a heads up before it’s time to leave

Picture this: your child is fully immersed in play, and suddenly you say, “Time to go!” Cue meltdown.

It’s not defiance, it’s surprise! Young children aren’t tracking time the way we are. Without warning, “time to go” can feel like the fun ended out of nowhere, and that can feel huge.

Instead, try something like:

It’s okay if they don’t totally understand what five minutes means. What matters is that you’re giving them notice and inviting them into the process with a choice. That little bit of predictability and control goes a long way.

It won’t always prevent pushback, but it helps their brain start to shift. And when you do it consistently, they begin to expect the routine. That’s where the magic happens.

2. Make it feel less final

For young kids, “We’re leaving” can feel like this is the last time ever. They don’t have a strong grasp of time yet, and they live so fully in the moment that saying goodbye to something fun can feel permanent, even if you were just there yesterday.

So when we say things like, “Come on, we’re not staying here all day!” or “If you don’t come now, we’re never coming back,” it adds panic to an already hard moment.

Instead try:

Reminding them that fun things happen again helps their brain process the transition with a little more ease. And giving them a ritual, like saying goodbye to the slide or waving to the sandbox, can give a sense of closure without it feeling so abrupt.

It may seem simple, but this kind of language helps shift their experience from something fun is over to something fun will happen again. That’s a powerful reframe for a developing brain.

3. Use playful choices to keep things moving

When a child feels powerless, they’re more likely to dig in their heels. But when you offer a playful choice, suddenly they get to decide how the transition happens–even if the “what” (leaving) is non-negotiable.

Instead of saying, “Come on, we have to go. No more playing,” try:

It may seem silly, but that silliness is the key. You’re turning a moment of resistance into a game, and that helps shift the mood. It also taps into a child’s natural love of movement, imagination, and choice.

This doesn’t mean you’re being overly permissive. You’re still holding the boundary (we’re leaving), but you’re doing it with connection and creativity. And that combo can make a big difference.

4. Acknowledge the feelings (even when you’re in a hurry)

It’s so tempting to say, “It’s not a big deal, we’ll come back” or “Stop crying, we’re just leaving the park.” You’re not trying to be dismissive. You just want to make the meltdown stop. But for a young child, those big feelings are real, and brushing them off doesn’t make them go away.

Instead, try:

That simple acknowledgment helps them feel seen, and being seen helps them settle. You're not trying to fix the feeling or rush past it. You're offering calm companionship through it.

This takes practice. Especially when you're late, sweaty, and already holding three bags. But the more you show your child that their emotions are safe with you, the more they learn to manage those emotions themselves.

5. Stay calm and follow through when needed

Even with all the warnings, playful choices, and emotional validation…sometimes they still won’t budge. And that’s okay.

These moments don’t mean you did it wrong. They just mean your child is having a hard time–and they need your calm to get through it.

You can say:

This isn’t about forcing them. It’s about supporting them through the transition. You’re being clear and kind about what needs to happen, and you’re following through with calm confidence, not threats or fear.

It might not look peaceful. There might be kicking or yelling. But when you hold the boundary with steadiness and empathy, you’re teaching your child that even hard moments are safe with you–and that some things, like leaving when it’s time, are consistent and non-negotiable.

Final thoughts: It’s about finding what fits

These tips aren’t magic spells, and transitions won’t always go smoothly, no matter how well you prepare. The truth is, this stuff is hard. It takes time to figure out what works for your child, and your family.

And it’s not just hard for them–it’s hard for you, too. It’s hard to stay calm when it’s loud, when your child is melting down in front of everyone, and your own frustration is rising fast. It’s hard to remember the “right” thing to say when you’re running late, running on fumes, and just trying to get through the moment. I get that. We all do.

Maybe your child responds best to playful energy like racing to the car or jumping like a kangaroo. Maybe they feel safer when they know exactly what’s coming next:

“First we’ll leave the park. Then we’ll stop at the grocery store. After that, it’s snack time.”

Maybe validation sometimes makes them cry louder, and you’re left wondering if you said the wrong thing. You didn’t. You’re learning each other. And that’s part of it.

I’ve had these moments with Ryaan, too. I’ve given the heads-up, offered the playful choices, and said all the “right” things, but a meltdown still happens. Sometimes, even with all the prep, I’ve had to calmly say, “We have to go now. You can walk, or I can help by carrying you.” It’s not always smooth, but it’s still parenting with intention.

This is a long game. The more consistently you show up with calm and connection, the more secure they feel in what to expect. And that trust? That’s what makes transitions easier, not overnight, but over time.

And next time you see a parent carrying a screaming child from the park or negotiating in the toy aisle, give them a little nod. No judgment needed. We’re all doing the best we can.

On The Podcast

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Ask Dr. Mona

An opportunity for YOU to ask Dr. Mona your parenting questions!

Dr. Mona will answer these questions in a future Sunday Morning Q&A email. Chances are if you have a parenting concern or question, another parent can relate. So let's figure this out together!