Why I Can’t Separate Parenting From Policy

I’ve been told many times to stick to “my lane.” Meaning to stick to topics about pediatrics or health. But the longer I’ve done this work, the harder it is for me to understand how I’m supposed to separate any of those things from policy. Healthcare and parenting are, in reality, political. 

We saw this again just last week, when an executive order called for major changes to childhood vaccine recommendations. Dr. Rich Bessser is President and CEO of the Robert Wood Johnson Foundation, pediatrician, and longtime public health leader. After the executive order, he released a statement about the consequences of creating more barriers between families and routine vaccination.

This is just one example of how policy eventually lands somewhere very real.

It shows up in the pediatrician’s office. Parents having to take another day off of work. In the school lunchroom or when grocery shopping. It’s whether a family can afford the food we’re recommending or access the healthcare we’re telling them they need.

And that’s exactly why I wanted to have this conversation with Rich. 

Parents are already trying

One of the first things Rich, and I’ve seen it throughout my own career: in recalling his conversations with parents, he saw so many who were genuinely trying so hard to do the right thing for their kids.

The problem was sometimes doing the “right” thing cost more money than they had. And now there’s another layer, which is figuring out what the right then even is has become overly complicated. Parents are hearing don’t feed your kid that, buy this, avoid this ingredient, this is toxic, never give your child that food…and food has somehow become another measure of whether you’re a good parent. 

I certainly care about nutrition. We eat very balanced and we do monitor added sugars in our home. In that our usual processed snacks have lower added sugars. Do I want my kids to eat everything with red dye? No, but my daughter loves maraschino cherries (like obsessed), so the occasional cherry is worth it! It’s not something I spiral over.

Parents deserve evidence and context without being made to feel like every grocery store decision is a direct reflection of how much they care about their child.

Advice only works if families act on it

We can tell families to serve more fruits, vegetables, fiber, and balanced meals all day long. But, it’s more important to first ask:

Rich and I talked about SNAP and WIC. But, another important topic is school lunches. For some children, he pointed out, school lunch might be the healthiest meal they get all day.

I’ve advocated for my own son’s school when I wanted to see more balanced meal options. I filled out the survey and sent examples. And guess what? Changes were made. I also do recognize the privilege in that experience. Since not every school has the same resources and not every parent has the same time or access. But that is exactly why the systems themselves matter SO much.

Financial stress shows up in parenting too

This was the part of the conversation that I felt most deeply. I spend so much of my work talking about tantrums, boundaries, connection, emotional regulation, and just being present with our kids.

But if we stop and think about what we’re asking of a parent who’s already working two or three jobs to cover rent, groceries, childcare, and healthcare… That’s a lot. So many parents are trying to survive. And the stress doesn’t disappear when they walk through the front door. I think Rich said it best:

When you’re working constantly just to make ends meet, that makes it pretty hard to be the kind of parent you want to be.

We need to remember that parents are trying their best. We need to care about the conditions families are parenting in, too.

Rich described a future where health is not a privilege, but a right. There’s so much wrapped up in that: who has reliable access to the food, healthcare, education, and resources that support a healthy life, who faces barriers to accessing them, and why those barriers exist.

You don’t have to fix everything

There are so many problems that feel enormous in the world right now. It’s easy to decide that nothing we do will make a difference. But I like Rich’s advice: 

PICK ONE.

Look at what’s happening in your child’s school. Fill out the survey. Find the issue in your community that you care about and learn who is already working on it

You don’t have to be an expert on every policy issue. You can care about your own family while also caring whether the families around you have food, healthcare, good schools, and a real chance to thrive.

To me, that’s part of caring about children too. Because kids don’t grow up separate from the systems their families are living in every day.

Listen to my full conversation with Dr. Rich Besser wherever you get your podcasts. We talk about food affordability, school lunches, SNAP and WIC, trust in health information, local advocacy, and why the systems surrounding families need our attention.

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