You Lost Your Cool...It Happens

As a parent, there are likely moments when you lose your cool. Sometimes, the feelings of being overwhelmed and overstimulated can lead to reactions filled with frustration or yelling. This can contribute to spirals of shame or guilt because of how you react in the moment.

You are only human. Sometimes it happens. But what can you do next?

Repairing the bond with your child after you lose your cool is vital for maintaining trust, respect, and a healthy relationship. Children look up to their caretakers as role models. How we handle these moments influences their understanding of emotional regulation and conflict resolution. So, when you lose your cool, it’s an opportunity to teach them the value of self-awareness and show your child it’s okay to make mistakes, but taking responsibility is important.

Next time this happens, try pivoting mid-moment or debriefing afterward. 

What does this look like?

Pivoting mid-moment

You see a mess in your living room. You immediately say, “How many times have I told you to clean up your stuff!” Then, you notice the horrified look on your child’s face. You take a deep breath and pivot. You add, “Wow. Sorry. I got really upset. Let me try that again. I was feeling frustrated. It’s time to clean up, and we can do it together.”

When you apologize and make amends in the moment, you show how to repair the relationship and move forward positively. This instills the ability to forgive others and themselves. It teaches resilience to overcome conflicts and challenges. 

Debriefing afterward

Your child has a tantrum. Later that evening, you are debriefing. While talking about the tantrum, you bring up your response, too. For example, “Mommy was really upset and yelled. I am sorry. We are both working on not yelling. What helps me is taking deep breaths.” Then, you can practice taking deep breaths together. You can also say, “What helps me is hugging people I love,” and then offer a hug.

When you take the time to have an honest conversation about what happened, you create a safe space for them to express their feelings. This helps them process their emotions while allowing you to understand their perspective better.

Bringing together 3 PedsDocTalk parenting principles

Repairing with your child brings together 3 PedsDocTalk parenting principles, including modeling, verbalizing, and connection.

• Modeling the behavior you want to see: self-awareness, accountability, and emotional regulation.

• Verbalizing the feelings: labeling feelings and how to cope with your emotions.

• Connection through compassion: fostering a deeper bond built on empathy and mutual respect.

On The Podcast

We live in a digital age, and at some point, our children will have access to phones, but it is our responsibility as parents to balance the benefits and risks of phone use. I welcome Bill Brady, who is the CEO and Co-founder of Troomi Wireless, a mobile phone platform designed to improve kids’ mental health through a safe and balanced relationship with technology.

We discuss:

• The benefits and risks of allowing our child to have a phone for use

• Is there a magical age at which they should be allowed a phone?

• How to create healthy boundaries with access to a phone and safety and other activities

Ask Dr. Mona

An opportunity for YOU to ask Dr. Mona your parenting questions!

Dr. Mona will answer these questions in a future Sunday Morning Q&A email. Chances are if you have a parenting concern or question, another parent can relate. So let's figure this out together!