Ask Dr. Mona

It’s really hard when your child strongly prefers one parent and the other parent gets the yelling, rejection, and hurtful words. And when dad is loving, involved, and showing up consistently, it can feel especially painful.

Parent preference is very common at this age. Usually, it has more to do with comfort, routine, and familiarity than with how your daughter truly feels about dad. But even if the preference is part of development, the hurtful behavior still needs a boundary. She can want mom more in a moment and still learn that she cannot scream mean things or treat dad poorly.

In the moment, keep it calm and simple. No big lecture or trying to talk her out of her feelings. Just name what’s happening and hold the limit. You can say:

It’s also important, when you can, not to switch to mom every single time just to stop the meltdown. Sometimes it truly may not feel worth the battle, and that’s real life. But if every protest ends with mom stepping in, that can make the pattern harder to change.

It may also help for dad to have a few predictable parts of the day that are just his, like bath time, bedtime books, or getting shoes on before school. That rhythm can help your daughter feel more secure with him and lower the resistance over time. And when she does let dad help, even a little, notice it: “You were upset, and you still let daddy help. That was hard.” Those little moments help build flexibility.

This phase can be exhausting because one parent feels pushed away and the other becomes the default for everything. Although it can feel personal, it is not a measure of their bond. With calm, consistent boundaries from both of you, she can learn that even when she wants one parent more, she still needs to speak and act with kindness.

For more on parent preference and additional strategies for navigating this phase, check out this PedsDocTalk newsletter on what to do when your child insists, “Mama do it.”

A lot of parents get to this point and think… I guess the nap is done…especially when bedtime suddenly starts taking forever. And sometimes that really is the shift. But around age 2 to 3, what looks like being done with naps is often more of a nap refusal phase. Toddlers have major FOMO, are going through developmental changes, and may fight the nap even when they still need the rest.

Before dropping it completely, it helps to first look at whether the nap needs to be shortened or moved earlier. If a child is still napping but then struggling to fall asleep at bedtime, that can be a sign the schedule needs adjusting. And if they still nap even once or twice over a two-week stretch, it usually makes sense to keep offering it. That often means they still need that daytime rest, even if it’s not happening every day anymore.

A few signs it may really be time to drop the last nap:

• Your child is over 3

• You’ve offered the nap consistently for 2 weeks

• There have been zero midday naps during that time

• Or bedtime is still a consistent struggle, even after adjusting nap timing or length

If it does seem like she’s ready, quiet time can be a really helpful bridge. It gives her a chance to rest and reset without the pressure of needing to sleep, and it gives you a little breathing room too.

Quiet time tends to work best after age 3. It can start small, even 15 minutes, and build from there. Keep the space safe, offer a few calm activities like books, puzzles, or coloring, and use a visual timer or sound machine light if that helps her understand when rest time is over. An earlier bedtime may also help for a bit while her body adjusts.

If you’d like more on nap refusal, signs it may actually be time to drop the last nap, and how to make quiet time work, this PedsDocTalk YouTube video goes through it in more detail.

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Dr. Mona will answer these questions in a future Sunday Morning Q&A email. Chances are if you have a parenting concern or question, another parent can relate. So let's figure this out together!