It’s a new school year so we’ve got new routines and a new lunchbox (that we swore like liked in August).
This time of year has the ability to alter all sorts of things at once. There are new teachers, new classrooms, new drop-off arrangements, and new expectations. And since so many things change simultaneously, some things change flawlessly, while others take longer than you hoped.
This month, we asked:
“What part of your school-day routine is going surprisingly well, and what part is still a work in progress?”
Your answers perfectly captured how this seasons feels – real progress and real difficulty, often in the same child in the same week.
The parts that surprised you (in a good way)
Several of you mentioned victories that you did not anticipate.
One parent whose son just started Pre-K prepared herself for a difficult adjustment compared to daycare. He now has to wear a uniform with dress shoes, had to have breakfast at home rather than after drop-off and had low expectations regarding the car line yet:
“[the] morning is going shockingly well so far.”
Another family moved up to the toddler room at daycare in September:
“Drop off was really hard for the first week with new teachers, but the adjustment eventually came.”
Let’s focus on that word “eventually” since it’s typically the way such transitions proceed. The first week or two are generally the most difficult, and then one day you find that drop-off happened without tears, clinging, or long farewells in the hallway. Children get used to the change at their own pace, and this adjustment period usually takes weeks, not days.
The parts still in progress (and why they make sense)
The words in progress were just as honest, and most of them have a developmental history behind them.
The same pre-K parent mentioned that her son had a number of accidents towards the end of the day. Previously at the daycare, the bathroom was in the classroom and had half doors, but now it is down the hall and has stalls.
This is so common. Late-day accidents in a newly potty-trained kid at a new school are rarely a true regression. A different bathroom setup means that the child has to notice the urge earlier, speak up to an adult they are not familiar with, and leave what they are doing to walk somewhere new. That is a lot of steps for a young child who is already tired from holding it all together all day. Kids often save their hardest moments for those last hours when the structure loosens, and their tank is empty.
Clothing battles were also mentioned. A parent of a 3 year old shared that her daughter refuses to get dressed even when she picks out her own outfit:
“From something we pre-agreed on to what she herself picked out. It’s a real battle.”
If you have a child who is 3, you’re also familiar with this behavior. At 3, kids are discovering that they have their own opinions and that they can assert control over their bodies, and dressing themselves is one of the very few occasions during the day when they can do that. Turning down the clothes they’ve picked out allows them to have a feeling of control. Simply offering a small number of choices (“the red shirt or the one with stripes?”), allowing extra time and staying steady and unexcited when there’s a protest generally proves to be more effective than trying to negotiate. This stage is temporary and eventually disappears, even though it may seem as though it’s a daily struggle over a pair of pants.
And one parent summed up how school lunch is going:
“He is quite good at getting inside but refuses school lunch almost every day.”
Sometimes success can be seen in one part of the routine before it appears in another. Actually managing to get into the building without any difficulty is a real achievement, and the lunchtime portion will follow.
The routines that belong to us, not the kids.
A parent who is also a teacher explained the practice of doing a double reset by starting each school day on both sides of the desk. To ensure her mornings run smoothly, she finishes her lessons each afternoon by having the materials ready and the technology charged. She also takes photographs in the spring of her setups that work so that when September comes around, she is ahead of the game.
Another parent does something that she calls an “entropy prevention sweep.” Before her children get home on Friday, she clears the kitchen island, the entryway floor, the dining table, and the family room couch:
“It’s not about cleaning, just tidying…making space for all of the items that are going to land there on Friday afternoon when we’re all home from work and school, [and it’s] making the weekends calmer.”
I love this point since it refers to something genuine; the shift into the weekend is in itself a transition and should therefore have a routine, just as mornings and bedtime do. It’s a very clever and low-effort method to protect your own capacity to cope by clearing out the landing zones before the chaos comes.
If you’re somewhere in the messy middle
If your current routine is a mixture of ease and difficulty, then you are on track. Most families experience this kind of combination in September, with drop-off possibly proceeding very well while lunch turns into a daily clash, or with the morning going smoothly while the after-hours fail to work well.
Give the hard parts a few more weeks of consistency before deciding something is wrong. New bathrooms will become familiar. Toddler rooms start to feel like home. 3-year-olds eventually put on pants without a fight. And the routines you are building for yourself count as progress too.
If this felt familiar
If you’re working through one or more of these transitions right now, these resources may help:
Thank you to everyone who shared this month!
And thank you for being part of our incredible community ❤️
PedsDocTalk Monthly Recap
Check out the PedsDocTalk monthly recap of the most-viewed and talked-about content on Instagram, YouTube, and the podcast. From breath holding spells to raising resilient kids, these topics have sparked important conversations. Take a look at what’s been catching your attention this month!
On Instagram
This reel shows a sneak peek into something I’ve been working on! Happy, Pappy? is now HERE!
This reel talks about whining, and how it may actually just be a skill gap with you kid as they learn how to communicate more effectively.
On YouTube
On The Podcast
Motherhood can look calm on the outside while the pressure builds on the inside, until one small moment, like a dropped granola bar, sets off a reaction that surprises even you. Mom rage is far more common than we talk about, and it often signals a mom who is stretched thin, not a mom who is failing.
This week, I welcome Libby Ward, digital creator, speaker, and author of the memoir Honest Motherhood: On Losing My Mind and Finding Myself, to talk about mom rage, maternal mental health, and why being honest about the hard parts can help us find our way back to ourselves.
