The Advice We Wish We’d Heard Sooner

PDT Real Talk

Author

Mona Amin
September 28, 2025

There are so many things about parenting you just can’t know until you’re in it. And then, once you’re there, you realize: wow, why didn’t anyone say this sooner? Maybe it’s because words can’t fully capture what it feels like. Or maybe it’s because some truths are harder to say than others.

This month, we asked:

What’s something you wish someone had told you earlier in your parenting journey?

Your responses were full of honesty, heart, and wisdom. Some offered reassurance. Others leaned more into tough love. But together, they were a reminder that parenting isn’t about doing it perfectly. It’s about learning as you go and finding strength in knowing you’re not the only one.

Expectations vs. reality

Parenthood has a way of rewriting the script. Before kids, it’s easy to imagine what things will look like: feeding, sleep, routines, even the milestones everyone talks about. But once you’re living it, you realize that no amount of preparation really captures the day-to-day. The exhaustion feels different, the doubts are louder, and even the smallest wins feel monumental. It’s not failure though, it’s just life with kids.

“I wish I had known that breastfeeding does not always come naturally and easily. I somehow thought I would just know how to breastfeed when the baby arrives. I didn’t bother with much research or education around it. Surely everyone’s been breastfeeding for generations, how hard could it be? But man, it really is a commitment and labor of love…But I really wish I knew more about it before I became a mom.”

“I guess a more simple one: newborns needing to eat every 2 hours is not a prescription. Like don't expect an actual, consistent, livable schedule to emerge until the 4-5 month mark and even then they'll keep changing it up on you as solids get incorporated, etc. if you thrive on routine, just know to a newborn routine is more like ritual. Nothing is really routine (time-based) until later on.”

“...What I wish I was told was truly that you can read all the books, watch all the videos, talk to all the experienced parents, doctors and therapists - your kid is not going to just be trained in 3 days, and you have to roll with the punches throughout the process - there's no expert way to mastering this process. I'm still in the thick of it (we're only a week in!), and both my husband and I go through peaks and valleys, and I think communicating to each other, making sure we're aligned and keeping each other from being discouraged is important…While this is hard, I'm sure we're going to bump up against harder times, and rolling with the punches, staying consistent with boundaries while also being compassionate is going to be what gets us through, and support our kids too.”

These stories are a good reminder that parenting isn’t about sticking to the picture perfect plan. It’s about adjusting, growing, and remembering that everyone else is winging it too.

Boundaries and consistency

Another theme? Boundaries. Kids test limits, it’s how they learn. And while holding firm in those moments isn’t easy, many of you shared how consistency actually makes life smoother, not harder. Boundaries aren’t about being harsh, they’re about being reliable. They let kids know what to expect, and that predictability builds a sense of safety.

“Go into every scenario thinking of it as practice. From bedtime routine, to how you handle a night waking, to going somewhere new with your baby. You don’t have to get it right, either way it’s good practice.”

“For toddlers specifically - "Mean what you say". So, never saying something will happen (consequence) and then giving in when there's resistance or because it's easier. If you say 'if you do that 1 more time, we're leaving'....and then they do it 1 more time, you have to be prepared to leave whether you're at Disney World or the neighborhood playground. If you know you can't/won't leave, then don't threaten with it. It's hard at first, but it has made life with my toddler exponentially easier - now, he usually listens on the first time!”

“Lead by example. Your kids are always watching and if you can show them what you want to see, you’ll see them do it too!”

Following through doesn’t mean being perfect. It means showing kids your words matter, even if it feels easier in the moment to cave for peace. Yes, it’s brutal leaving the playground when you warmed them you would, but those little moments teach them big lessons.

The emotional side of parenting

Beyond the feeding struggles and bedtime battles, so many of you spoke to the emotional side of parenting. The love, the challenges, the way it stirs up old wounds you thought were behind you. Parenthood isn’t just about raising kids, it’s about raising ourselves alongside them.

“Before I was a parent myself, people kept telling me 'enjoy the time before you have kids, it's so stressful and tiring'. I've always liked kids and always wanted some of my own but in my head and from the way some people talked about it, it seemed as if your life was over as soon as they were there. I wish I'd known before, how much I wouldn't care about the hardships considering the love I felt for my child and how devoted I was (and still am) to just making her happy and being with her.”

“Raising a child might drag up all the emotions you never had a chance to feel or process if you had parental drama/issues when you were young…You might think you've worked through those issues in therapy but when you're seeing it all through another set of eyes, it might come up again and it's okay to need to talk to someone about it and work through it all over again. Generally, I am just wishing that someone might have said if you have ever struggled in your mental health in the past, being a parent is just going to add a new layer to that onion to peel back and make you cry…”

“You really can do hard things.  Challenges are going to come - your kids are going to have chronic health issues and other issues you never could have imagined facing, and yet you will - you will rise up, take them as they come, and give these kids exactly what they need.”

“I wish someone had told me that the present will be hard even if the future is bright. When in the moment, it’ll be very hard to control your emotions even if baby is the best thing that happened to you. I hear everyone telling me, this shall pass but what about until it passes!”

These reflections remind us that love and struggle can sit side by side. Parenting is emotional whiplash: one minute you’re tearing up at how sweet they look sleeping, the next you’re crying into your cold coffee because you can’t do one more tantrum. That doesn’t mean you’re doing it wrong…it means you’re human.

A little tough love

Some of the advice parents wish they’d heard sooner isn’t soft and cozy. It’s the kind that stings a little because it’s true. If you saw my reel “Advice I’d Give If I Wasn’t Afraid to Hurt Your Feelings,” you know the kind of truths I’m talking about. The ones that feel less like a hug and more like a nudge… but land where they need to.

It’s part pep talk, part gut check. Because saying the hard things, even with love, isn’t easy. But when we’re willing to sit with the discomfort, it shifts something in us. It helps us show up differently, not just for ourselves, but for our kids too.

Take boundaries, for example. “You’re the parent. Your job isn’t to avoid their disappointment, it’s to hold the boundary they need.” It’s not easy to watch our kids cry over leaving the park or being told no to another snack. Every instinct tells us to soften the blow. But when we step back, we see that consistency isn’t about being harsh. It’s about showing them the world is safe and predictable, even when it doesn’t go their way.

Or modeling. “If you’re not modeling an action, behavior, or value, don’t expect them to.” Kids are always watching. The way we talk when we’re tired, how we handle frustration, whether we apologize when we mess up…it all sticks. They don’t need us to get it right every time, but they do need us to try.

These truths may sting, but they stick for a reason. They remind us that growth doesn’t come from avoiding the hard stuff. It comes from walking through it, with love, with intention, and sometimes a deep breath before we open our mouths.

If you want to read the full list of those “hard truths,” this PedsDocTalk newsletter covers it all with a deep dive into the why behind each one.

Thank you!

Every response this month was a reminder that none of us are doing this alone. Parenting really is the ultimate “learn as you go.” Some days it feels impossible, some days it feels joyful, and most days it’s both.

The giveaway winner has been notified by email. Stay tuned for our next Real Talk question in the October Q&A newsletter.

PedsDocTalk Monthly Recap

Check out the PedsDocTalk monthly recap of the most-viewed and talked-about content on Instagram, YouTube, and the podcast. From physical tantrums to bathwater battles and big kid meltdowns, these topics have sparked important conversations. Take a look at what’s been catching your attention this month!

On Instagram

This post tackles what’s really going on when toddlers get physical during a meltdown, and why it’s not “bad behavior,” but a normal part of brain development. It shares practical tips for setting boundaries, staying safe, and modeling self-regulation, while reminding parents that calm connection now helps build real self-control over time.

This post brings some much-needed humor to the toddler years, specifically, their baffling obsession with drinking bath water. It’s a reminder that parenting is full of weird little battles, and sometimes, if they’re safe, happy, and technically hydrated… it’s okay to just laugh and let it go.

On YouTube

This video takes on recent claims linking Tylenol and low folate to autism, and explains why the science doesn’t support them. It breaks down what the best studies actually show, why folate matters for neural tube development (not autism), and how to spot the difference between fear-based headlines and real evidence.

On The Podcast

This episode explores big feelings in big kids, and why meltdowns, defiance, or worry aren’t just “bad behavior.” Joined by child development expert Alyssa Campbell, it unpacks how age bias shapes our responses and introduces tools like the F.A.C.T.S. method to help kids feel supported while still holding boundaries. A must-listen for parents navigating the emotional rollercoaster of ages 5-12.

In The Media

Dr Mona Amin

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