Advice I’d Give If I Wasn’t Afraid to Hurt Your Feelings

You may have seen the reel. It's half pep talk, half gut check. And to be honest, it’s one I sat with for a while before posting, because saying hard things (even with love) isn’t always easy. But it’s necessary.

Why? Because my platform isn’t just about what to do, it’s about why kids act the way they do, and why our responses matter. It’s not shame, it’s perspective. And if we want to raise emotionally healthy humans, we need to zoom out and start connecting the dots.

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Let’s break this down, together.

1. You’re the parent. Your job isn’t to avoid their disappointment, it’s to hold the boundary they need.

It’s hard to see your kid upset, especially over what feels like “not a big deal.” But boundaries aren’t about being mean. They’re about feeling safe.

When you set a limit, even when it leads to a meltdown, you’re showing them the world is predictable. That you’re steady. That someone’s in charge. And that steadiness? It’s what helps them feel secure in the chaos.

Here’s something I see often: a lot of parents are scared of their child’s big emotions. Not because they’re weak, but because those feelings trigger something in us: guilt, fear, shame, even panic. We become afraid of their discomfort, so we try to avoid it. We hand over the snack. We skip the consequence. We say yes when we know it should be a no.

But parenting isn’t about keeping things comfortable. It’s about helping kids move through uncomfortable. Not alone-but with us by their side, guiding them. If we can’t sit with their feelings, how will they ever learn to?

If we’re constantly trying to dodge their disappointment…who are we really protecting? Them? Or our own discomfort? Watch this video on Instagram for more on boundary mistakes I commonly see being made.

2. If you’re not modeling an action, behavior, or value, don’t expect them to.

Kids are like little surveillance cameras with microphones. They’re watching. And listening. Always. It’s easy to forget how closely our kids are paying attention. The way we respond when we’re frustrated. How we speak when we’re tired. Whether we apologize when we mess up. They don’t learn from what we say as much as from what we do.

Before I became a mom, I’ll admit, I had my moments. Like cursing under my breath at bad drivers. Harmless, right? But now I think about the ripple effect. Because it’s not just what we say to them, it’s how we speak around them. How we treat people who help us. How we talk about ourselves. How we handle our own emotions. That’s the stuff they soak up.

It’s in the small things: how you talk about your body, how you approach food, how you rest, move, sleep, handle stress. These things aren’t neutral-they’re seeds. And over time, they grow into values.

We won’t always get it right. That’s not the goal. But if we’re not even trying to model what we hope to see, we’re handing them mixed messages.

They hear what you say. They see what you do. So give them something good to model. If we want them to stay calm, be respectful, or take responsibility…we have to show them what that looks like. Not perfectly. But consistently.

3. Stop blaming teachers for problems you’re not parenting at home.

Teachers work hard. They’re supporting dozens of kids with different needs, emotions, and temperaments. But they can’t do it alone. They aren’t magicians. They can’t undo what’s not happening at home.

I recently shared a story about a situation at my son’s school, what some called “just roughhousing” crossed a line. It opened my eyes even more to how important it is to talk to our own kids about boundaries, consent, and respect. Not once. But often. Not just when there’s a problem. But as a regular part of parenting.

That moment lit a fire in me, because I know teachers can’t carry this alone. And if we’re not addressing issues with our own kids, we’re relying on the system to parent for us.

If a behavior keeps showing up at school, don’t just cross your fingers and hope it fades by pickup. Ask yourself: are we reinforcing the same values at home? Are we even talking about them?

The home sets the tone. School just builds on what’s already there.

4. If your child goes to an Ivy League College but can’t handle disappointment, you’ve missed the point.

We all want to see our kids succeed. It feels good when they’re thriving, like acing tests, winning awards, and hitting milestones early. But success without emotional resilience? It’s fragile.

Eventually, life will hand them a flop. A test. A team cut. A rejection. A breakup. And if we’ve spent all our energy protecting them from failure, or acting like it’s not an option, they won’t know how to cope.

I say this from experience. I went to UCLA. Pre-med. Top of my class in high school. But I didn’t grow up learning how to sit with failure. In my house, perfection was the goal. So when things got hard? I spiraled. I carried that perfectionism into adulthood, and it led to anxiety that took years to unpack. Not because I wasn’t capable, but because I didn’t have the tools to deal with disappointment.

We can raise kids who want to do well for themselves. Who work hard because it matters to them. But part of that means raising kids who know failure will happen and believe they can get through it.

Grades matter. But grit matters more. And if we don’t give them space to stumble, they won’t learn how to get back up.

Academic strength may get you in the door. Emotional strength is what helps you stay in the room.

5. If you feel like your child is overscheduled, they are. Scale things back.

It’s so easy to fill the calendar with soccer, swim, playdates, after-school programs, and birthday parties. We want our kids to have fun, feel included, and stay busy. But when the schedule starts to feel like a never-ending shuffle, it’s worth asking: Does this still feel good? For them… and for you?

Not everything is needed. We have to remember that every human being, including your child, needs idle time. Time to just be. To stare at the ceiling. To turn couch cushions into a fort. That’s not wasted time. That’s where self-regulation and creativity take root.

I remember my husband wanting to sign our 5.5-year-old up for karate, swim, and a few after-school activities. And sure, it all sounded great on paper. But I stopped and asked: “Is this too much for his age? Does he even have space to breathe?” And the answer was yes, it was too much. He needed room to just unwind. So we scaled back to a few days a week and told ourselves we’d build from there as he tolerated more.

Overscheduling isn’t a badge of good parenting. It’s a fast track to burnout for you and your kid.

If it feels like too much, it probably is. Step back. There’s time to add more later. But you can’t undo exhaustion once it’s set in.

6. If you always rescue them from boredom, they’ll never learn to be comfortable being idle.

It’s tempting to jump in when they say, “I’m bored!” to hand them a toy, suggest an activity, or turn something on. But boredom isn’t a failure. It’s space.

And in our house? We don’t even allow the B-word. My son only recently learned it from a friend, and I told him, “If you’re bored, that means your brain is ready to think. You can rest. You can play. But you get to decide how to spend this time.”

I don’t rattle off a list of choices or set up something new for him. I simply remind him: “You have your toys, your puzzle, your coloring. You choose how you want to use this unstructured time.”

That’s the key. I do offer structured activities too, we love them. But it’s a balance. Kids need both: guidance and freedom. Space to follow, and space to lead.

Because rest is okay. Stillness is okay. I grew up in a mindset where you always had to be doing something to be valuable. And I’m intentionally breaking that cycle. I want my kids to know that idle time isn’t lazy, it’s where creativity, problem-solving, and emotional regulation begin.

Independent play isn’t just a nice bonus-it’s a life skill. And it starts with a little boredom.

We don’t need to fix it. We just need to stop filling every gap. Let them figure it out.

7. Set the bedtime. Keep the routine. Sleep isn’t a suggestion-it’s a necessity.

It’s easy to let bedtime slide, especially when the day’s been long or they’re begging for one more story. But sleep isn’t just a routine-it’s a reset. It affects everything: their mood, behavior, learning, and even immune health. When kids are well-rested, everything else tends to go a little smoother.

This isn’t about being rigid. If bedtime is 15 minutes late, the world won’t collapse. But the routine? That’s the anchor. Routine tells the body and brain it’s time to wind down. It helps kids develop an internal rhythm and, over time, an appreciation for rest.

Consistent sleep routines are about creating healthy foundations. And they start early, not just so kids sleep better now, but so they carry those habits into later childhood and beyond.

A consistent bedtime isn’t strict or punishing. It’s supportive. It says: your rest matters. You matter. And if you need help getting there, we’ve got sleep resources that can make a big difference.

8. Seriously, stop the excessive snacking. That’s why they’re not eating meals.

We’ve all done it…handed over a snack just to survive the drive, the errand, or the witching hour. But when snacks happen all day, kids never get a chance to feel truly hungry. And when they’re not hungry, meals become a struggle. That constant grazing messes with appetite cues and leads to picky eating over time.

Grazing means small bites here and there: a few crackers in the car, a pouch in the stroller, another handful of cereal before dinner, and suddenly they’ve eaten all day without actually sitting down for a meal. I hear this all the time: “My kid just grazes” or “They’re such a picky eater.” And often? Those two things are connected.

I’ll be honest, I don’t understand the need to hand out snacks at 5:30 pm at the park when dinner’s coming in 30 minutes. If your child eats dinner well, no problem! But for so many families I see, those pre-dinner snacks are the reason meals are a mess.

Here’s what helps:

If your kid loves crackers or cheese (my daughter’s a cheese girl), put the cheese with the meal instead of giving it separately. If you’re running late with dinner, offer a small plate of veggies and casually say, “Here, enjoy this while you wait.” Keep it low-pressure, but intentional.

Snacks aren’t bad. But they need structure. Most snacks are packaged and less nutritious by default, not always, but often. Try to rotate in fruits, veggies, yogurt, cheese, whole grain toast. Think of snacks as mini-meals, and try to stick to a rhythm instead of letting food happen all day long.

If meals feels like a disaster, don’t just look at the plate. Look at the pattern. And if you want even more help with selective eating/picky eating: check out my picky eating playbook course.

9. Perfect parenting is about control. Real parenting is about connection.

It’s easy to fall into the trap of trying to do everything “right.” The routine. The meals. The responses. The activities. But what even is “right”? Perfection is not only impossible, it’s made up. It’s shaped by social media, cultural expectations, and random opinions. There’s no universal parenting manual. No checklist that says: Congratulations, you nailed it.

The truth is, when we’re focused on getting it “perfect,” we usually stop adapting. We hold on tighter. We get afraid to pivot. But parenting requires flexibility. It asks us to learn on the fly, to shift when our kids change, to rethink when something’s not working. That’s not failure. That’s wisdom. That’s growth.

Our kids don’t need a picture-perfect parent. They need one who’s in the room. One who repairs after hard moments, who shows up even when it’s messy, who chooses connection over control. The kind of parent who says, “I don’t know exactly what I’m doing right now, but I’m here with you while I figure it out.”

That’s the part they’ll remember. Not how closely you followed a script, but how you are showing up when it matters. For more on the 3 things every child needs from the grown-ups in their life, listen to this powerful podcast episode.

10. Don’t expect your child to learn emotional regulation if you can’t regulate yourself during their dysregulation.

This one can be hard to hear, because we’ve all lost our cool at some point. But the truth is, kids learn how to handle big emotions by watching how we handle ours. They don’t need us to be perfectly calm. But they do need to see what it looks like to pause, breathe, and stay steady in the storm.

I’ll be honest, this one hits close to home. I’m a recovering yeller. I grew up in a home where yelling was the norm, and I internalized it. It’s what I saw. It’s what stuck. And now? I’m unlearning it every day. Not just for my kids, but for myself.

Do I still fall back on old patterns sometimes? Yes. Do I raise my voice? Yes. Do I threaten things I don’t mean when I’m pushed too far? Yes. But the difference now is: I see it. I name it. I repair it. That’s the work.

Because our regulation is the lesson. In those loud, messy moments, we’re not just trying to stop the meltdown…we’re modeling what it looks like to come back from overwhelm without losing ourselves.

And even when we mess up, and we will, we have a chance to show our kids what accountability, repair, and growth look like in real time.

You’re not aiming for flawless. You’re aiming for aware. And that makes all the difference.

Final thoughts

If some of these felt uncomfortable… that’s kind of the point.

Parenting asks us to grow while we’re raising someone else. It’s the ultimate “learn on the job” with no manual. And that means holding up a mirror sometimes. Not to judge ourselves, but to check in. To ask: Am I showing up the way I hope my child will one day show up in the world?

If you’re nodding along, or even feeling a little called out, you’re not alone. I actually go deeper into these kinds of shifts in this episode of the podcast episode: 15 Things We Need to Stop Doing as Parents.

These truths might sting, but they stick because deep down, we know they matter. Not because you’re doing it all wrong. But because how we show up now shapes who our kids become later.

Ask Dr. Mona

An opportunity for YOU to ask Dr. Mona your parenting questions!

Dr. Mona will answer these questions in a future Sunday Morning Q&A email. Chances are if you have a parenting concern or question, another parent can relate. So let's figure this out together!